Alison Redford Toronto-bound, eyes mayorship

EDMONTON, Alberta – It appears that the former honourable Alison Redford is up to playing some political hijinx once again. But this time, the Wicked Witch of the West plans to test the waters of municipal leadership – in Toronto.

The ex-premier of Alberta is planning to move to Toronto later this summer in hopes of taking a solid run at the City of Toronto’s top-spot. When asked by 2P News reporter, Yu Mii, about the plan, Ms. Redford replied,

I’ve seen the municipal political gongshow that has unfolded in Toronto over the past few years, and it hadn’t been good. But amid and after the numerous scandals that have plagued Mr. Ford, I understand that people from Toronto still love the big lug. So with that, I think I’ll be a perfect fit for Torontonites.

If Torontowers liked Rob Ford, wait till they get a load of me! – Alison Redford speaking from the lobby of a Denny’s in Nisku, AB

According to sources close to the former premier who spoke to 2P News on conditions of anonymity, Ms. Redford will base her campaign on the cornerstones that she can spend less, do more, and only drink the finest wines that taxpayer dollars can buy (and perhaps a cooler here or there).

Although she is perfectly capable of one-upping Mr. Ford in the scandal front, she plans to tone things down a little. Ms. Redford has publicly declared that she does not smoke grass, cheeba, or Sticky Icky Icky, but she occasionally has a flavoured cigar to calm her nerves after a fight in the legislature, which she promises to keep to a minimum in the smaller council chambers.

The anonymous source also told 2P News that Ms. Redford promises to initiate an “Oilsands in the middle of Canada” program that she claims will, “turn Ontario’s fortunes around in a real hurry and create 114.7 million temporary jobs along the way. These new jobs will put Ontario’s economy on par with that of Alberta’s, and it will make Ontarionites not look as lazy as the west perceives them to be!”

As expected when such an announcement is made, the Twittersphere is abuzz with activity related to her plans. Unfortunately for Ms. Redford, most of it is negative.

@HateRedfraud tweeted: “If that windbag moves to the T-dot, I’m outta here. I’ll even move to the #Alberta and I hate that place.”

@LoveTheRed tweeted: “Toronto Mayor Redford – that has a ring #to it. If you remove the “red” then nothing really changes, does it?”

@CantCount tweeted: “She says she won’t do crack, but I bet if you lay her down and ask nicely she’d show you 50lbs of #cleavage!”

Alison Redford did not reply to 2P News’ request for comment. Her aide told reporter Yu Mii that she is away where she continues to spend time in her swanky condo on Ilse Redford in Bora Bora. #