Scientists discover that solar power drains the Sun

CALGARY, Alberta – Renewable energy has become as big a catch phrase as “Wheres the Beef” these days.  Everyone from Greenpeace to The Sierra Club has been promoting the future of renewable energy as, well, renewable.  But a recent study conducted by a team of Solarologists at Marwayne Community College have deduced that there is in fact not a truly renewable resource.  And in fact, the human race and Earth are inevitably doomed.

One of the biggest pushes in the renewable energy community is solar power.  The idea that we can use the Sun’s radiation, invisible as it is, and harness it into photovoltaic cells and thermal glycol concoctions to create energy and heat.  This is true, but at what cost?  The consortium of Solarologists from MCC recorded light shift apertures in multiple bandwidths of exron emissions from the Sun throughout a period of six months.  These measurements, combined with the magnitude of sunspots, and whirl speed around double helix ejecta prove only one thing.  Solar power is depleting our Sun.

For the layman out there, the measurements can measure the energy at which the Sun emits everything from hot gas to radiation.  This energy measurement has a vector direction, and can be converted through set of algorithms to show a depleting energy measurement emanating from our Sun over the study period.

The Sun is getting weaker.  Testing was done in solar energy “test beds” to help resolve the spatial effects of grid-located solar technology.

In regions such as the greater Toronto and Vancouver areas, we really didn’t bother testing anything – you cant really see the sky in those regions.  But there were some bedroom communities offering RTG (Return To Grid) applications for solar power, and in these areas, we saw dramatically less energy from the Sun over a period of 6 months.  The Sun’s radiation emissions, at those specific points, were already depleted.  – Thomi Bryt, lead Solarologist with the MCC Survey Assoc.

Thomi goes on in depth about the ramifications of this solar depletion, and argues the only way to combat the solar reduction is to end the use of any solar power or thermal applications.

The idea was met by ridicule and spite on Faceplant and Twaater, but the MCC team stood strong behind Thomi and backed up the research with empirical evidence.

If we do not shut down all the solar gathering technology on Earth before the end of 2014, the Sun will be 95.251% depleted in 1.7B years.  This is an acceleration from the current lifespan of our Sun by roughly 3.3B years.  That is the data, love it or leave it.

But if we continue to think solar power is so great for us, we will have no sun to use by 1,756,123,456 AD. – Hank Willboosoum, Thomi’s assistant, and Ph.D. Solar Geologist

A date for a presentation has apparently been set to hear the MCC side of solar power usage at the next G17 Summit in Derby, Oklahoma.  President Obama has notably declined to attend, citing the recent government shutdown, and the resulting house cleaning he has to do himself at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.