VANCOUVER, British Columbia – The BC provincial government is hosting a job hiring fair in early November of this year for a project that it estimates will require 45,000 employees. In opposition to the Northern Gateway proposal, and being met at every turn with opposition from the Federal government, a new plan has been creatively hatched by Clark and her Cabinet. The idea is to create an ongoing construction project that will commence along any pathway or right of way deemed to be viable for an oil pipeline designed to cross British Columbia.
Christy Clark announcing the project at the Nelson Folk Festival
We plan to manufacture more than adequate concrete by mining limestone from our less visible mountain regions.
We will form thousands of cement pier blocks and have staff move them into remote areas to physically block any pipeline attempt. It will work. If we can scale it properly, roughly half of the homeless in Surrey could find work here.
Premier Clark expects the response of her province’s Northern Hateway to be swift and targetted. Each Block Dropping team will have a strict mandate to drop blocks within 60 minutes of spotting a surveyor, as depicted below.
A poor artist’s rendition of 2 events. Top: Block Drop Team spots a surveyor. Bottom: Block Drop Team drops a couple of blocks in the survey path.
Plans to fund the project are falling in the wake of Trudeau announcing he would like to decriminalize pot. Christy Clark has been overheard mentioning revenues from taxation of marijuana as a source of funding to keep BC green and without dirty oil pipelines. Chief Economist with the Economist, Dannie Hodgens, had the following to say:
If we can tax the amount of pot coming out of BC to Alberta and California alone we would make billions. To hell with oil royalties. Tax weed, man! We gotta TAX WEED! Can you dig it?
According to reports, the aptly code-named Northern Hateway project will fall under a category called research and response. A block will only be hauled in and dropped once a surveyor has been sighted along pathways that the NGP might take through the wilderness.
The identity of surveyors will not be confirmed before a block dropping operation because according to Premier Clark, all Albertans are liars and under no circumstance can they be trusted, especially when it comes to oil and the environment.
“The plan to physically block any attempt at a pipeline may cause environmental issues on its own,” suggests an activist from the WBSU (the We Blow Shit Up Foundation). The group claims that many of the blocks could slip and tumble into ravines breaking trees, inadvertently decreasing oxygen synthesis from the living organisms in their path.
Jackson Awall
We’ll do more damage than a spill of like, Mountain Dude. So what we propose is that everyone just chill, puff puff pass, and have an Enchilada (dude, pass me the refried beans). All of those workers hiking through the wild, man, will damage the nice scenery… and confuse bears.
Peace man….just peace out Premiery lady and keep things cool, man. – Jackson Awall, WBSU tokesman
Only time will tell how effective and successful Premier Clark’s new Northern Hateway project will be. But the idea that it will employ at least 45,000 BCers and drop the province’s unemployment rate bodes well for Clark in the next election.
