China bans Trudeau

OTTAWA, Ontario – 2P News has received breaking news from our Chinese correspondent Yu Mi that China has added Prime Minister Trudeau to the list of bans placed on Canadian products.

This latest ban is issued on the heels of recent restrictions put on Canadian canola and pork products that are wreaking havoc on the incomes of businesses who export these goods. At this point, it is far more likely that China banned Little Potato for legitimate reasons and not political gains in the Huawei scandal.

The ban as currently drafted explicitly prohibits the Trudeau family, their friends and associates, any image of Justin “Le Coif” Trudeau, his hair, socks, smirk, or belly button, from any publication, website, television release, or dart board within China’s borders.

It also bans any audio of the Turd (as he is referred to by China’s president) or his screeching spouse from being played in public use locations in the country, which is basically all of it.  The ban will be difficult to enforce according to Chinese insiders, as there are thousands of comedic memes of The Turd that have become iconic and, dare we say viral, on display in China of late.

“We banned him.  We just banned The Idiot.  Yes, that’s what we call him now since Little Potato was too kind.  His dumbness seems to be contagious in Canada and we cannot allow that to happen here.  Also, he brings nothing to the table except stuttering quips about our ties and comments on the Jello.  Did you know we have to have pictures in the synopsis of trade deals now so he can follow along during negotiations?  Or that he travels with 3 grade school teachers that help him sounds out the big words in our G20 discussions?  But no more, now that he is banned, we will not have to pander to the lowest denominator any longer and the adults can get back to business. – Jyung Dzang, Chinese Associate Minister or Canadian Relations

Coming into effect immediately, it should effectively exclude Canada from any further international trade or policy conferences for the foreseeable future, which likely won’t result in much of a change as Trudeau has historically been left at the children’s table during most of the summits, or sent to a “safe space” to have his advisers explain things in a quieter, less distracting environment more conducive to his intellectual shortcomings.

Also looking to ban the unicorn-mounted prince Trudeau are other countries the Crime Minister has pissed off since late 2015 including the US, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, Qatar, Philippines, North Korea, and of course, India.