GREEN RIVER, Utah – Geoscience professionals from around the world are applauding the efforts of a Utah-based consortium of geologists who are pushing to extend the week to 8 days by inserting a day between Saturday and Sunday.
The special interest group behind this initiative, which calls itself Geologists Against Yawning (or GAY), has been lobbying international government agencies for just over 14 months and believes that their idea is finally starting to punch the donut.
They believe that geologists typically yawn far too much because they are overworked and need more time to rest, hence the request for the extra day off.
“On an international scale, geologists work far too hard, and as a result 48 hour weekends just aren’t long enough. So, we GAY believe that extending the weekend by 24 hours by inserting a day between Saturday and Sunday would allow us to rest up a bit more before an upcoming busy Monday. The concept is quite simple. We’ll just have to get pretty much every government and regulatory body on the planet to come on board, not to mention companies that publish calendars.” – Bigsun “Jerry” Twang, GAY spokesman
Considering that an idea of this nature will impact pretty much everything in the world, scientists and politicians from around the world are chiming in with their take on an 8-day calendar week.
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“These GAY folk might be hopping onto something big here. If you think about it, years, months, days, hours, minutes, etc. are arbitrary inventions by man – oh! Sorry, folk – to measure the rate of change of time. We get no special benefit from the current arrangement whatsoever, so inserting an extra day between Saturday and Sunday just creates a second-order state of loop quantum hydro-grammatical time-shift which, when it comes back on itself through a Lagrangian 5th-dimensional wormhole, will fundamentally change nothing,” said famous American astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson of StarTalk fame. He continued, “So I’m down with the GAYs on this one!”
Governments around the world have mixed reactions to the idea. According to White House press secretary Linden Wilson, President Trump and his administration unanimously support the idea and he plans to get moving on implementing any required changes as soon as conveniently possible. At a press conference this morning, the president is quoted as saying, “Although I want nothing to do with Geologists Against Yawning, I fully supports the idea of having 8 days in a week. That’s because I make about $750,000 per day, and making that 8 times a week will make me richer than making it 7 times a week.”
The group is holding an online contest to have the general public help them name the new day. Some ideas to get people started include Assayday, Dykeday, and Skipday.
This just in from Ottawa! Media reports that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau just caught wind of this initiative on social media and he quickly Tweeted, “Uhh… errrr… ummm… did somebody say GAY? Errr… urrr… YES, I SUPPORT IT!! In fact, my Liberal… uhhh… uhh… government will pledge $1.5B to support this plan… uhhh, yeah. And if we can somehow… uhh… relate this to anti-pipeline, pro-feminist, and indigenous rights sentiment, then… errrr… ummm.. uhh… uhh… uhh… then I’ll triple down with a $4.5B pledge!”
Wait a minute. The Beatles thought of this first. Don’t you remember their song “Eight Days a Week”?