Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 – In what many are calling a historic “innovation” in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge the impending tariffs that will be imposed by newly elected U.S. President Donald Trump in Q1 2025. Rather than sending Alberta oil through pipelines or rail—both subject to tariffs—Smith has announced an ambitious plan to float crude oil down the continent’s waterways, naturally drifting them south to U.S. refineries.
Smith, standing confidently at the banks of the North Saskatchewan River this morning, spoke to reporters about her unorthodox approach. “Oil comes from the earth, and it belongs to nature,” she said. “If it’s just drifting on the river’s surface, minding its own business, it’s not technically ‘being transported.’ It’s just… flowing. And flowing isn’t taxable,” she explained, gesturing downstream.
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Dubbed the “Freedom Float Initiative,” Smith’s plan involves releasing thousands of gallons of Alberta’s finest crude oil directly into rivers, counting on the natural currents to carry the product south. The oil will follow waterways that eventually feed into the Mississippi, where it will arrive at U.S. refineries tariff-free.
Smith went on to clarify that the move wasn’t just about planning to sidestep tariffs but about preserving the “untouched, free-market energy” of crude oil. “It’s Alberta’s gift to the free market. Why should oil have to pay taxes if it’s just floating there, minding its own business?”
The plan has sparked reactions across the border, with President Trump praising Smith’s “entrepreneurial spirit.” “I’ve always loved Alberta oil—good oil, great oil! I never thought I’d see it floating in like this,” Trump commented. “I respect her game; it’s what I would’ve done.”
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Critics, however, have raised environmental concerns over the potential for a “river of oil” running through Canada and the United States, especially given the unpredictable nature of floating barrels on open water. “This isn’t transportation—it’s pollution!” an outraged environmentalist warned. Smith, however, dismissed these worries, promising that the barrels will be “biodegradable… probably,” and adding, “Fish don’t mind the oil. They just glide around it. I have full faith in Alberta trout – they’re tough.”
Analysts are split on the initiative’s economic feasibility, but Smith remains confident Alberta’s oil will make it to market unburdened by any additional taxes. “Nature always finds a way,” she said with a grin. “Just like Alberta.”