OTTAWA, Ontario – The Canadian oil and gas industry is notorious for its complex and costly techniques, requiring a PhD to understand and an even bigger wallet to execute. But that’s all about to change, thanks to Dig Up Resources Ltd, a Montreal-based startup that has figured out that oil and gas extraction doesn’t need to involve those pesky drills and high-tech rigs. Nope, all you need is a big enough shovel.
In what is being heralded as the most groundbreaking innovation since the shovel itself, Dig Up Resources has boldly declared that open-pit mining – a technique typically reserved for coal, tar sands, and whatever else you dig out of the ground in massive pits – can totally work for conventional and unconventional oil and gas too.
“Why drill so many holes thousands of meters below the surface when you can just, you know, dig?” said Jean-Luc Spade, CEO of Dig Up Resources Ltd, as he stood in front of a suspiciously large sandbox at the company’s headquarters. “We’re talking about real savings here. No more drilling rigs, no more complicated fracking techniques, no expensive simulation models, and definitely no more fancy reservoir engineers telling us that ‘depth’ is somehow important.”
The company’s brilliant plan involves excavating entire reservoirs, one shovelful at a time, and letting good old gravity do the rest. “We’re going to lift the oil right out of the ground, like scooping ice cream from a tub – once it has been brought to surface, we let the oil just leak down into capture contains or even directly into train cars to be shipped. We’re considering even building a train pipe. And for the natural gas? Well, it’s gas. It’ll just float up, right?” Spade shrugged confidently. “Thanks to our acquisition of Halfkatch Energy, we’ve got a plan for that too. It involves a lot of CH4 balloons.”
The oil and gas industry has been buzzing with skepticism, which Spade dismisses as jealousy. “These so-called experts think they know everything because they’ve spent years developing drilling techniques and simulation models. But have they ever considered the obvious solution? Just be in the reservoir, man. When you’re literally in the oil, you don’t need all that simulation nonsense.”
Dig Up Resources is set to launch its first “dig” – no drilling allowed – in Alberta’s Clearwater Sandstone formation, a spot conveniently shallow enough for their pit-digging expertise. The area, just north of the Nipisi field, has been a hotspot for conventional heavy oil production through multi-lateral well drilling, but no one has ever thought to just…remove the ground and see what happens. That’s where Dig Up Resources shines.
“We’re all about simplicity,” Spade said proudly. “Why make things harder than they need to be? We’re just going to dig and see what comes out. And if nothing comes out? Well, at least we’ll have one heck of a hole to show for it.”
Critics have raised concerns about the environmental impact, questioning whether a giant pit full of oil and gas might, you know, leak into surrounding areas or turn into an apocalyptic tar pit. Spade was unconcerned. “Look, Alberta is already full of holes and oil – we’re just adding another one. Besides, have you ever seen a problem that can’t be solved with enough dirt? We’ll just fill it back up when we’re done.”
As Dig Up Resources prepares to embark on its first project, industry insiders are watching closely, some with excitement and others with horror. But one thing is certain: when it comes to digging for oil, this startup is ready to break new ground – literally.
At the end of the day, Spade says, it’s all about thinking outside the box. Or rather, inside the pit.