OTTAWA, Ontario – In a move that has left the engineering community speechless (quite literally), the Canadian government has passed the controversial “Word Quota” bill, limiting engineers to a strict 500-spoken-word daily allotment during working hours. The bill, officially titled Bill C-420: The Engineer Efficiency Act, aims to improve workplace productivity by curbing what lawmakers have referred to as “excessive engineering verbosity.”
“Engineers are known for their brilliance, but let’s be honest—they also tend to over-explain pretty much everything,” said the bill’s sponsor, MP Linda McBureau, during a press conference held at Rideau Hall in Ottawa. “This bill will streamline communication and save countless hours of meetings, emails, and whiteboard presentations. If engineers can’t make their point in 500 spoken words, maybe they should consider a career in poetry.”
The new law stipulates that any engineer who exceeds the 500-spoken-word daily limit will be subjected to fines or, in extreme cases, forced to attend “corporate communication workshops” until they learn the art of brevity.
The Science of Silence
Government officials claim the law is backed by extensive research. A recent study by the Department of Productivity (DoP) found that engineers often spend hours discussing complex concepts in excruciating detail, leading to widespread confusion among non-engineering staff and upper management.
“We noticed a sharp drop in productivity whenever an engineer said something like, ‘Let me just explain the fundamental principles behind this equation…,‘” said Dr. Amanda Hardrick, the lead researcher. “By the time they finish, half the room has fallen asleep, and the other half has quit to pursue a simpler life in the arts or petroleum geology,” she continued.
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The bill has sparked outrage among engineers, many of whom argue that their jobs require detailed communication. “I can’t even explain the basics of fluid dynamics in 500 words, let alone design a pipeline,” said one anonymous engineer. “What do they expect us to do? Just nod, grunt, and point at charts? WTF.”
The “Word Counters” and Workplace Chaos
Under the new law, companies are required to implement mandatory word counters in every engineering department. These devices will track the word count of engineers in real-time, flashing an ominous red light when someone is about to exceed their daily limit. The machines identify the voice of an engineer using specialized AI that detects the slight nervous tremble that is characteristic only in engineers’ voices. It cross-correlates the voice detection with body odour scent sensors to make a positive match with 99.97% accuracy.
A prototype of the word counter, affectionately dubbed “The Silencer” by frustrated engineers, has already been installed in several downtown Calgary offices. “We used to have productive brainstorming sessions,” said a project manager at a leading oil and gas firm. “Now, as soon as the red light goes off, the room just goes dead silent. It’s like working in a library, but everyone is mad. It’s the oddest thing watching engineers just vibrating to speak, but they don’t because they are too damn cheap to face the fines.”
Senior engineers are particularly concerned, as they are often tasked with mentoring junior colleagues. “How the fuck am I supposed to explain 30 years of experience in 500 words?” said one senior engineer who wished to remain unnamed. “I might as well just hand them a printed out manual and tell them to figure it out.”
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Political Ramifications
The bill has sparked heated debate in Parliament. Supporters argue that it will increase efficiency across industries and reduce workplace burnout, while critics claim it stifles creativity and problem-solving.
“This is just another example of government overreach,” said opposition leader Jane Concise. “What’s next? Limiting how many calculations an engineer can perform in a day? Maybe they’ll ban engineers from using words longer than three syllables to make sure everyone can keep up!”
Meanwhile, the legal profession is already capitalizing on the new law, offering services to help engineers navigate their daily word count. “We’re seeing a surge in demand for lawyers specializing in ‘linguistic efficiency’ cases,” said Lou Pohl, an attorney with Calgary-based Renard and Geezler LLP. “Engineers need to learn how to say things like, ‘Well no work,’ or ‘Reservoir broken,’ or ‘Facility on fire,’ instead of going into flow rates and pressure differentials. It’s a brave new world, but I think they can do it.”
Engineers Fight Back
In a show of rebellion, some engineers have started an underground movement called “Word Warriors,” dedicated to preserving their right to elaborate explanations. The movement has gained traction on social media, where engineers share memes, tips for concise communication, and stories of being cut off mid-sentence by “The Silencer.”
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“We won’t be silenced!” said one Word Warrior in a statement that was exactly 499 words long. “Engineers are the backbone of this country, and if the government thinks we’re going to let them limit our words, well, they clearly don’t understand the importance of… wait, am I out of words already?”
The Canadian government remains firm in its stance, arguing that engineers will adapt and that the bill will usher in a new era of efficient communication. “This is progress,” said McBureau. “We’ve managed to condense government press releases from 50 pages to 48. If we can do it, so can engineers.”
Only time will tell whether Bill C-420 will revolutionize workplace communication or drive engineers to adopt interpretive dance as their primary method of explanation.
politicians should set a better example by answering questions directly or answering by changing the subject.
Truer words have never been spoken, Brian. Most politicians talk out of both sides of their mouths at the same time, yet they are trying to limit how much engineers can talk during working hours? Engineers actually get shit done, politicians? Well… sheesh.