CALGARY, Alberta – peopleMINUS Corporation says that being acquired by Houston-based Chordy Energy is responsible for the decision to close its longstanding office in downtown Calgary and relocate no staff anywhere, but rather just minus them from the corporation.
The independent oil and natural gas exploration and production company said in a Wednesday news release that the its Calgary and Denver offices will be subtracted from the new company’s balance sheet. The Calgary peopleMINUS office was home to just over 476 employees who managed roughly 849 BOE/d of Canadian production.
“We realize, reluctantly, that we need to close down the peopleMINUS Calgary office because Chordy Energy wants nothing to do with Canada. Part of the reason is also to save additional costs and remain competitive in this unprecedented industry environment,” chairman of the board Mr. Daniel Green. “It was a very difficult decision to make, well, actually it wasn’t. Truth be told it boiled down to a coin flip that I had with peopleMINUS’ president and CEO, Elon McLovin, over dinner the other night. Had it been tails, the Calgary and Denver offices would have been extended an 18-month lease on life.”
Vice President of Human Resources, Mrs. Hillary Schwacknoo, told 2P News that she was never trained on letting go of 476 staff in one go, including herself. “I basically created a generic email that starts off with, ‘Dear So-and-So, We regret to inform you that…’ and then the email rolls into the proverbial shit sandwich. I plan to send the email to the ALL STAFF distribution list at noon of the day the deal closes later in 2024,” Schwacknoo continued. We trust that all employees will have an opportunity to take some time for themselves before finding gainful employment before the end of 2024.
The Alberta Labour Board says that many of the peopleMINUS employees are fully-qualified to work in a soon-to-be-built call centre for the BOE Report. The company’s engineers and analysts can apply to be second-string baristas at the new AtoM Cafe House in Bankers Hall, and at least 10 geoscientists might make the cut as dough mixers at nearby Cookies by Ian.
A former peopleMINUS human resources engineer, who was let go in 2017, spoke to 2P News under conditions of anonymity.
“I knew this shit was going to happen. There is only so long that investors and institutional stakeholders can put up with seeing over 400 people manage 5% of the company’s total production (roughly 10Mboe/d). How many freakin’ Landfolks are required to handle 2 or 3 bids per year – goodbye expense accounts for those cats. Oh, don’t get me going about how the HR and IT departments ran that MF company. An oil and gas E&P’s IT department shouldn’t have more than twice as many people as all of the asset team members put together. Anyhow, good luck to all my former friends,” Roger W. Jenkins (not her real name) told 2P’s Rodecker Smith yesterday.