Sir William’s Compendium of Dubious Data and Faulty Facts

BREA, California – Let’s do a little housecleaning and dispose of a number of items that have been mouldering in my notebook:

• If you hold a weasel up to your ear, you will hear the sound of a weasel ripping your ear off.
• Nitrogen in the atmosphere is slowly killing you, but it may take up to a hundred years.
• You can’t clean anything without making something else dirty.
• Finish the fight before you and your spouse go to bed.
• My parents asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said a comedian.  They laughed at me.
• If you want to get along with your family, live on the other side of the country.
• If you want someone to be happy when you come home, get a dog.
• In ancient Egypt cats were considered gods.  They haven’t forgotten this.
• Skinflints are no fun to be around but they make great old maid aunts and bachelor uncles.
• Hard work probably won’t kill you but why risk it?
• High school algebra is a total waste for 99% of the population.
• By the time you’re 100 years old, you’ve learned everything but can’t remember it.
• Gossip is the smoke from what other people assume is a fire.
• It’s easy to recommend a solution when you really don’t know what the problem is.
• Wine is vital to food preparation.  You can even put it in the food.
• The truth suffers when a person is drunk, in love or running for office.
• How a person deals with slow wi-fi on their phone reveals much about their personality.
• There’s nothing medically wrong with me that an expensive operation can’t prolong.
• I’m so old now that even going to the grocer is an adventure.
• Women are crazy and men are stupid.  The reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
• The reason I don’t believe in reincarnation is if you don’t remember how you screwed up last time, then what’s the point?
• If psychics are for real then why don’t they win all the lotteries?
• At my age I remember my first grade teacher but not what I ate for lunch.
• My advice to newlyweds who want to stay married is to live somewhere with two bathrooms.
• Don’t you wish that people came with a mute button?
• No, I haven’t yet begun to procrastinate.
• I used to wake up Grumpy but then I sent her back to England.
• Do atheists Thank God it’s Friday?

Well, there you have it. I’m happy to get that off my chest. If you have any musings to share, please do in the comments.

Too-da-loo,

SWS