LEDUC, Alberta – Jenny Tayla and Dick Halfapush, co-founders of a novel live auction dating service, Oil Patch Hookup Hotshot, announced today via the company’s social media outlets that the first set of singles scheduled for the auction block have registered and submitted their profiles. In an effort to give the singles even more exposure, 2P News has agreed to provide a few of the profiles to its readers below.
Daryl B. Payne aka “Drilly the Clown”
Headline: I love drillin’, if you love to be drilled, then we’re a match.
Age: 49
Hometown: Smoky Lake, AB
Profession: Unemployed former rig manager with Bentsign Drilling
Profile: “Hi! My name is Daryl, but the fellas on the rigs have been calling me Drilly the Clown for the past 15 years, I think because of my curly red hair. I am brand new to live-auction dating but think it’s gonna be fun. During the viewing period, I don’t mind if you rub up on my legs and even grab my family parts, but just make sure you do it while I can see you – I’m into that reach-around stuff. I like long walks around the wellsite and to enjoy a nice paper cup of wine on the shale shaker. Oh, and don’t let the colourful clothes fool you, I’m as straight as 6 o’clock.”
Salena “Stuckpipe” Solanger
Headline: I’m an easy-going woman looking for a big burly man to mash my potatoes
Age: 52
Hometown: Fox Creek, AB
Profession: Field medic for oil and gas leases
Profile: “Hey good looking, what you got cooking? It’s Salena here. I’m gonna cut to the chase right now. I’m hot, sexy, and rearing to go. And the best part is that it don’t much to get me out of my clothes. I might be 52, but I can outpace those prissy new 25 year olds hands down. If I had to pick 3 words to describe me they would be get, inside, and now. Psst.. hint, connect those 3 words and you’ll see I mean business. I’m really into robust guys with a broad back who can lift a Christmas tree onto a wellhead with his bare hands, and me sitting on top of it, naked. And as a bonus of bonuses, if you say the magic word, I’ll show you how I can suck the chrome of a trailer hitch.”
Justin Hermouf aka “Mudnuts”
Headline: Sedentary and unadventurous. Spreadsheets over mountains any day.
Age: 36
Hometown: Calgary, AB
Profession: Reservoir Engineer
Profile: “My policy is quite simple – I offer a 30-day free trial of my relationship and love services to anybody interested, even at the same time. I’m not sure why the battery of questions and psychological tests before I signed up once I told them I was an engineer, but here I am. I love to travel around the +15 network in downtown Calgary looking for the least expensive lunches and coffees – care to join me? There’s nothing I love more than working up some Excel Macros to round out a Friday night home alone, perhaps we can have Excel duels?! Give me food and water, and I’m yours. I’m looking for an Excel programming accomplice with mastery of the VLOOKUP function and loves fast-paced clicking.”
These are just 3 of the 17 people registered for next Wednesday’s live auction.
Viewing is open this Saturday, January 21st from 10am to 5pm and Sunday the 22nd from noon to 4pm in the red barn just south of the Edmonton International airport. Get out there and bid, you’ll never know when you’ll find your perfect match!