From the Merriam-Webster Dictionary:
Jinx
noun
ˈjiŋ(k)s
: one that brings bad luck
also : the state or spell of bad luck brought on by a jinx
verb
jinxed; jinxing; jinxes
transitive verb
: to foredoom to failure or misfortune : bring bad luck to
Ft. Trudeau, Ontario – Major General Hardy Harhar, commander of the Canadian Armed Forces Research and Development Establishment (R&DE), held a press conference to announce a new initiative by his organization. In a rather lengthy statement he said,
“The Canadian military has equipped itself almost exclusively with foreign-purchased major weapons systems, especially from America and Europe. Let’s face it. Canada doesn’t have the money or the brains to make kick-ass guns and other stuff that goes boom. So, we at the Research and Development Establishment decided to pursue alternate methods of destroying our enemies.
“We have all heard stories of a baseball pitcher being on the verge of pitching a no-hitter but then someone on the team says out loud, “He’s got a no-hitter going!” This jinxes the pitcher and the next batter will get a hit. A bowler can be about to roll a 300 game but someone says out loud, “He’s about to roll a 300!” Now jinxed, the bowler’s next ball will be a 7-10 split.
“We decided to investigate whether or not this principle could be applied to the battlefield. As you might expect, there were absolutely no previous investigations along these lines. The R&DE carefully designed a series of experiments to determine the feasibility of this possibility. Of course, I can’t reveal any details, but suffice it so say that we were encouraged.
“I fully expect that within the next few years any nation that attacks Canada will find that their ballistic missiles blow up on the launch pad, their aircraft nosedive into the ground and their soldiers shoot each other. This will all be seemingly without explanation. Meanwhile, we in the Canadian military will be laughing our asses off.”
At this point, General Harhar terminated the press conference and refused to take any questions. The 2P News investigative journalism team attempted to pursue the subject but our recording equipment, cameras and even pen and paper were inoperative.
