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CALGARY, Alberta – Turnabout is fair play. Cynthia Redbush and Yu Mii have been on our cases to bring more gender balance to 2P News. In this installment of Dear Andy, a ###### reader asks for advice on how to deal with nerdy, smelly, overweight, clueless #### engineers and geologists. – Ed.
Dear Andy:
You misogynistic piece of crap, you have nothing good to say about ###### in general and ##### engineers and geologists in particular. Imagine that your microscopic pecker has turned into a love tunnel and give us ##### some advice on how to tolerate the #### clowns and ######## at oil and gas companies. Come on, be a #####-man and speak some truth.
- All the Frustrated #######
Dear Frustrated:
My, my, such language. So you want me to turn into a #####? You want to know how to handle assholes like me? OK, here goes.
- Weaponize your PMS. You’re already expected to be ###### during your ######, so if you add in the days of (real or alleged) PMS you can cover a couple of weeks of being as sensitive as ammonium tri-iodide, ready to explode at the slightest touch.
- Run to Human Resources at the slightest ###########. Suppose a new geologist meets you for the first time and says, “You sure got nice tits!” Instead of accepting the compliment, file a complaint and make him squirm through a week-long mandatory sensitivity seminar.
- Some ####### might be looking for a ####### at their place of employment. Good luck with that. If you run into a well-dressed, articulate, handsome engineer, don’t waste your time. He’s gay.
- Cry. That’s the ultimate ###### weapon, guaranteed to turn men into quivering guilt-ridden blobs. But save it for special occasions. Used too often you’ll get a reputation for being #########.
- Master the icy stare. This will shut up most ###. Think of how Sophie Trudeau would look at Justin when he eyes that 22 year-old supermodel receptionist in his office.
- Prove you’re not just ###### up #####. Generate a prospect or design a gas system.
I’ll have you know writing this took a shitload of Moosepeace.
Andy Killinger, Staff Counselor 2P News
