[The entire history of transportation can be reduced to the process of getting from Point A to Point B. As civilization progressed, other components became important such as speed, capacity, cost and safety. Let’s ignore all that and focus on the more entertaining and silly ways to make that move in Calgary. – Editor]
Pogo Stick
The history of the pogo stick goes all the way back to 1919. It was designed to be a children’s toy by George Hansburg and it is only recently that pogo sticks for adults were built. The more robust adult version is intended to be an exercise tool but with practice of shifting one’s weight it can be harnessed to produce horizontal locomotion in a consistent manner. However, it does require a continuous hard surface and potholes pose a serious challenge. It is not suitable for people with false teeth or bladder control problems.
Combination Roller/Ice Skate
It’s always nice to be rolling down the sidewalk on a calm, beautiful Calgary day on your in-line skates, humming a gentle tune, and enjoying the peaceful Canadian life. But, then, since it’s Calgary, a sudden ice storm hits. What to do? Now you can simply slap on the ice skate adapters over the wheels and continue on your merry way, laughing at all the other skaters sprawled on the frozen pavement.
Rocket-propelled Unicycle
This device was developed by Dr. Wile E. Coyote of the University of Arizona in conjunction with the Acme Corporation as part of his ongoing pursuit of the Roadrunner. It provides instantaneous acceleration and a thrill like no other, once one learns how to maintain balance. The two disadvantages of the device are that it has an unfortunate tendency to spontaneously explode and the fact that it exists only in a cartoon.
Walk on your hands
Buying a new pair of shoes has turned into a major expense. Even a pair of runners (sneakers to you Yanks) can cost hundreds of dollars. Save big bucks by learning to walk on your hands. The only thing that gets worn down is the skin on your hands and (NEWS FLASH!) it grows back. The calories burned will keep you as thin as the Flames’ chances of winning a championship. Approved by the Ministry of Silly Walks!
Slip ‘N Slides
Another one of those ridiculously popular toys from Wham-O® is the Slip ‘N Slide. But let’s take it a step further and upsize the slides to an industrial scale. Imagine replacing sidewalks or a lane in the street with a Slip ‘N Slide. True, you might get soaked, but think of the fun you’ll have. Even the druids in city government will have a blast.
I tried exercising with a pogo stick but my breasts kept slapping me in the face.