DRUMHELLER, Alberta – A group of political palaeontologists at the University of Central Alberta’s Department of Interesting New Knowledge in Drumheller, Alberta, have discovered at least 3 new species of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs, much to the surprise of the researchers, were each found to have some form of political lean and some very unique, never before seen, physical features. Dr. Kristia Freebush, the head researcher at DINK commented on the finds.
“I have a masters degree in political science and a PhD in palaeontology, so I know a thing or two about dinosaurs and politics. Never before have we seen dinosaurs quite like this. For decades we believed that dinosaurs were non-partisan and were too unsophisticated to form socio-political structures in prehistoric civilizations, but this evidence has proven turned everything on its head.” – Dr. Kristia Freebush, DINK Head
According to the research, 17 different new species were discovered including the Diplodofreelandria, Stegomorneaumus, Stupinotleyithicus, Terabillolairadactyl, Grossanklepelosiraptor, Brachioclintonyx, and the Handotoobinabator, to name a few. But 3 of them were noteworthy, and the DINK researchers granted 2P News special permission to share them with our 13 readers below.
Brontrudeaudumdumstupidus. One of few dinosaurs with a full coif of high-quality hair atop its head. Interestingly, this hair was always well kept, and it didn’t move under any circumstance. A yellow tinge to its skin suggested a cowardly presence that avoided western regions where logic prevailed. A bottom-feeding herbivore whose diet mainly consisted of cannabis sativa.
Tyranotrumposaurusrex (meaning “self-absorbed schoolyard bully with skin of orange”) was a genus of the abnormally sadistictopian grandiosisis dinosaur from the Republically Craptaceous Period, about 80 million years ago in the Queens Stickituem region of North America. Tends to surround itself with former Miss Dinosaur Universe contestants with voluptuous upper female chest-area parts. Typically seen with pursed lips and communicated primarily by obnoxious shouting that was synchronized with movements of its extraordinarily short arms. At one point, the Tyranotrumposaurusrex was accused of starting a pandemic in the far eastern part of the worlds known as the CoronaTrumpHump virus that killed millions of dinosaurs.
Tribidenadactyl (meaning “very very very old one that flies crooked” from the bonehead type locality) is a genus of the fartoooldtogiveafach dinosaur from the Democraticus Moroneisum Whitus Formation in Viginabiggus region of the middle Triassic Montney stratigraphy of Central Alberta. Currently seen as the first flying dinosaur to leave its left blinker on for no fewer than 17,456,094 years and sustain life by consuming nothing but oatmeal. Related to the Bluehaired Pensionergeriatricum species, this duo-binary bird was known to have both a penis and a vagina, and would use whichever one that it would need to better its chances of laundering money from the governments of foreign regions.
Dr. Freebush plans to continue her research into this interesting new field called palaeonpolitical science, pursuing a lead where she believes that the real reason dinosaurs went extinct was because they elected socialist leadership.
