HALIFAX, Nova Scotia – Prince Edward Island and its population of approximately 160,000 persons disappeared overnight. The disappearance was discovered by Mrs. Fanny Farnsworth of Toronto. She tried repeatedly to call her daughter in Charlottetown, PEI, to no avail. Calls to other persons on PEI were likewise unsuccessful. Mrs. Farnsworth reported this to the national government in Ottawa who in turn called the International Space Station and asked the astronauts to take a look with their telescope. Sure enough, the island is completely gone.
At first it was speculated that a sudden tectonic event had taken place that suddenly swallowed the entire island, such as that which destroyed Atlantis. However, seismograph stations did not record any events in the vicinity of PEI. No changes in tides or sea level were noted.
Professor O. G. Wottaschnozz of the University of East Northeastern New Brunswick speculated that a recently installed wind farm, supposedly built to provide electricity, was instead designed to serve as giant propellers to move the island farther south to a more hospitable climate, or maybe just to get away from Justin Bieber. He said, “I figure those hosers decided to move down to the Caribbean and face the possibility of hurricanes rather than live through one more Bieber album release.” However, a thorough review of satellite imagery shows no evidence of a perambulating island moving south in the North Atlantic Ocean.
After sorting through all the available evidence and finding no reasonable explanation, the Canadian government turned to unreasonable explanations. The Canadian Institute for the Study of Abnormal, Paranormal, Supranormal, Quasinormal and Sortanormal Events immediately dropped its investigation into Alberta elections and focused on the PEI disappearance. After thinking for a few minutes, the chief investigator, Dr. Hugo Quackenbush stated that a giant intergalactic flying saucer was responsible. When asked how he came to this conclusion, he paraphrased Sherlock Holmes, saying, “Once you’ve eliminated the probable, improbable, impossible and moronic, what’s left must be the answer! Now go away, it’s time for me to take my thorazine.”
Mrs. Farnsworth has asked NASA to notify her if any new images from the Hubble Space Telescope happen to show an island flying by.
