Company spokesperson holding a can of new self tanner.
EDMONTON, Alberta – With more consumers turning to plant-based and organic products, a spinoff arm of the Suncore Oilsands Corporation today announced a brand new line of tanning lotions and self tanning creams. The Fort McMurray, Alberta-based BronzeBody Lotions Inc says that these tanners are exactly what people have been looking for.
“Our new line of self tanners are designed to provide customers with a variety of options when it comes to expressing themselves from a cosmetic point of view. But their true benefit is how they allow our customers to express themselves culturally. We are a very proud supporter of various social movements and with our richest product, the BronzeMe Xtra Coal™, we make it easy for customers to support these movements in the most direct way possible.” – Inotta Gudfacher, marketing Manager
According to the company’s website, all of its lotions are 100% organic and sourced from special man-made ponds located in and around Fort McMurray, Alberta. Each product will have varying concentrations of sand, which acts as an exfoliant if the customer chooses to rub the lotion on in circular motion with firm pressure.
BronzeBody Lotions Inc claims to run a company with superior economics and a very strong balance sheet thanks to its feedstock being supplied directly from its mother company at no cost.
But even the best products have their unintended side effects. A number of customers have complained that the way they were treated while using BronzeBody’s product changed significantly.
“I love this stuff, the only problem is that the second time I had it on, I was pulled over for a DWB, which stands for Driving While Black! I didn’t even know that was a thing! Anyhow, I turned off my Range Rover, quickly wiped the self tanner off part of my face and the officer let me go after we had a good chuckle,” said Killian Wendel of Provost, Alberta. “This stuff works great, but just make sure you keep some Lysol wipes in your centre console to avoid those pesky DWBs.”
But some BronzeBody customers aren’t so lucky. Things went sideways in a hurry for Gibbons, Alberta resident, Ólafur Gunnarsdóttir, who alleges he found himself face down with an officer’s knee on his back last week after wearing the company’s Bronze Dark XL tanner to a Leduc, Alberta area Humptys Restaurant.
Ólafur Gunnarsdóttir and his girlfriend
BronzeBody’s parent company, Suncore Oilsands Corp, was contacted by 2P News regarding their product’s side effect but they have yet to comment. 2P News will keep you in the loop with developments as they become available.
It all makes sense ‘WE’ was quick to misjudge Justin Trudeau when he was in blackface when in reality he was testing your products and supporting Alberta’s economy simultaneously.
It all makes sense ‘WE’ was quick to misjudge Justin Trudeau when he was in blackface when in reality he was testing your products and supporting Alberta’s economy simultaneously.
People can identify as they please even change their genders and etc than people choosing to change their skin color shouldn’t be an issue either!