THULE, Greenland – The Norse god Thor announced today that he and a group of other Asgardians have incorporated a new geophysical services company, Midgard Geophysical Services, Inc. (MGS). Its principle activity will be performing terrestrial seismic surveys in difficult terrain and extreme climates. Marine surveys will not be offered initially. During the start-up phase, other companies will handle computer processing of the data under contract.
At a press conference in Thule, Greenland, Thor touted the speed and efficiency with which MGS can conduct a survey. He said,
For deep, high energy surveys, traditional companies use explosives loaded into shot holes. This takes a lot of time and is expensive. One swing of my hammer Mjölnir will release enough energy to image geologic structures all the way to the earth’s core. Furthermore, I can generate the acoustic energy pulse anywhere. All I need is a solid surface and a little elbow room. – Thor, President & CEO MGS
Thor then introduced Lady Sif, MGS Vice-President of Operations, who added, “We can fly to locations carrying all the equipment we need much faster than trucking or a helicopter. A single Valkyrie can carry six tons to anywhere in the world. Since we’re gods, we’re impervious to weather, so there are no meteorological delays. All our recording equipment will be new and state of the art.”
When asked about their fee structure, Thor admitted that MGS would charge significantly more than other geophysical service companies, but with the increased efficiency and effectiveness, he claims that a client will still come out far ahead.
We can do a survey in a few days that would take someone else a month. For data quality, nobody can come anywhere close to matching our signal to noise ratio. This makes processing much easier and cheaper. – Thor
Lowkey Spitzkopf, a reporter with the Edmonton Herald-Defamer familiar with Asgardian politics, asked Thor if he had permission from Odin to go into business on Earth. He replied,
Odin Schmodin. The old fart has no idea how much money it takes to keep Asgard going. And the damage from that last Frost Giant invasion is estimated to be over 3 billion kroner. Repairs will take years. We’re gods, not magicians. – Thor, yet again
Thor concluded the press conference with the promise that additional services will be offered as market conditions dictate, or until Ragnarok.
Thor, Schmor. His performance in the sack is hardly divine. And then he tried to sneak away without paying, just like Flowman.