HOUSTON, Texas – Presidents of the American Association of Petroleum Geologists (AAPG), Canadian Society of Petroleum Geologists (CSPG) and the Society of Petroleum Engineers (SPE) jointly announced today that the three organizations will merge to form the World Organization Of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS).
Representing the nascent organization, Conehead D. Barberean explained their goal: “To crush our enemies, to see them driven before us and listen to the lamentations of their women!” With triple doctorates in geology, engineering, and applied masturbation we have no doubt he can lead the triumphant organization to world dominance.
The combined membership of WOOPS is expected to be well over 100,000 members reaching all corners of North America. Much of the original societies’ leadership will be retained but there will be an overall governing body called The Ring, playing off of another professional associations need to have members wear a special ring identifying their dominance over normal people, The Ring will control the actions on a broad scale, while local chapters direct specific memberships.
Mr. Barberean, a huge Lord of The Rings fan, explained, “One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.” Obviously, The Ring will demand a cult like following from their membership, with very little tolerance for independent thought, which should not be a problem for most SPE members.
Structurally the current organizations will not change much however. Professional journals from each organization will continue to be published for those members who can read, but a new Journal on Tape series of MP3 encoded texts will be available for engineering staff and research geologists. Most political activities will be largely be limited to accepting bribes and kickbacks on membership drives and public endorsements of WOOPS.
Torpid Z. Treesloth, president of the American Association of Petroleum Landmen (AAPL) reacted furiously to the announcement.
Those clowns can’t agree that the sky is green. All we ever hear from anyone inside of those organizations is bickering and infighting, then they blame us for the problems. They can hardly organize their sock drawers let alone an oil play. And nows they want to be the worlds biggest lobby group for oil and gas? How dare they form a ‘world’ petroleum organization without land men!
Mr. Treesloth was not alone in his displeasure at being excluded. Spokesman Noah Count of the Council of Petroleum Accounting Societies (COPAS) chimed in, “That’s it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. There won’t be another AFE approved or paid for the rest of this century.”
Like we’re worried. The bean counters never even noticed that most AFEs are now denominated in Zimbabwean dollars. And those whiny-ass landmen? They’re like having a crying poopy baby next to you on an airliner. All you have to do is learn to ignore their crap and give them a stiff drink to shut them up. We can do it without any of them. I promise. – Mr. Barberean
Editors Note: For our readers not following international currencies, you can buy a $100 Trillion Dollar Zimbabwean banknote for about US$10 as a souvenir.
I was working a convention when Treesloth tried to hit on me. The cheap bastard thought he deserved half-price since he’s an underpaid landman.
Dearest Kate,
Please stay away from landmen of all varieties, shapes, sizes, you name it. There is something wrong with people who want to work in land departments. You have been forewarned by one of the wisest characters on the WWW.