Oil & Grass community disrupts downtown Calgary

CALGARY, Alberta – Last Thursday afternoon took a turn for the worse when hundreds of oil and gas professionals in the downtown core misunderstood the flyers for a promotional event taking place near the city’s bustling business district.

The estimated 600 participants were well into the baked goods when the host of the event took the stage and expressed his satisfaction at the turnout to the first annual Oil & Grass Convention in Prince’s Island Park.

The convention’s focus was marijuana and the growth and use legalities in our province, both for recreational and medicinal users.  It appears that the crowd from the downtown core mistook the event for an industry conference, but after a few servings of hash brownies and mushroom tea, things loosened up and everyone was joining in the party. One anonymous witness had the following to say:

“It was a very interesting crowd. You had suits and high heels mingling with the tie-dye and sandal wearers. They were dancing, singing, kissing, and doing some things that I find difficult to describe.

To be quite honest, I’m not sure how the business crowd didn’t figure out that it was not an Oil and Gas convention because those are never held on Prince’s Island Park during the Calgary Folk Festival. The loud drumming and other music should have given it away.”

By all accounts the innaugural event was a smashing success. The specialty baked goods flew off the tables and the head shop kiosks were lined up as bongs, vapourizers, pipes, crushers, and stash cans were sold in quick fashion.

An intermediate reserves evaluator who asked not be to identified, for fear of losing his job, went on to say:

I love this guy, this guy right here <giggles > I just met him, his name is Harmet, Hermit, Herby, um, JACK!  He used to work with me at Poukete Engineering…  we were the shit man, we could have done sooooo much, but the man kept us quiet.  Now we’re free and we’re speaking out!  RESERVES ARE waaaaaaay over EXAGGERATED, maAaan!!! <giggles again, a lot more>

There were no incidents other than excessive giggling and the munchies, and local police did not intervene in anything more serious than a geologist streaking through the park, largely obscured by his beard trailing between his legs.

The event organizer and emcee was also pleased with the festivities, saying that:

“I’m glad there was no trouble, all the Greenies and industry peeps got along just fine, and the 5-0 stayed off our backs.  I ain’t gonna stress over a little herb going around, I am more concerned with peoples safety, and so far it’s all good.

I’m not sure about dem rock folks, though. I seen some of dem down by that that river looking at rocks with magnifying glasses. Dat puts a whole new meaning to being stoned, cause I never seen that before.

And for the record, my pEeps, I would like to honestly say that I don’t smoke weed No more… but I don’t smoke it no less neither.”

The event has shown the editors here at Proved Plus Probable Weekly News that even with all the ongoing protests and fighting, industry and environmental advocates can find a common ground if they try hard enough.