LuLuLemon to unveil new oilfield work gear

VANCOUVER, BC – In an effort to regain the market share it has lost to competitors, Vancouver-based LuLuLemon Athletica Inc. plans to launch a new line of apparel designed specifically for the oilfield.  Competition ranging from high end performance garments like Under Armour, to department stores and their cheaper offerings, have forced the recently beleaguered company to explore new markets.

Based on a modified version of its patented Luon™ material that has been reinforced with Telfon threading and a built-in braided steel waistband, the company expects its new Oilfield Work Gear to be a smash hit with field workers from all disciplines. The company’s CEO elaborates:

Last week I publicly announced Lulu’s reduced earnings for the 3rd and 4th quarters of this year, and that the outlook is looking bleaker for 2015. This week I am announcing a new line that will not only diversify our product offering, but it will boost our bottom line.

It would appear that consumers in the general public have figured out Chip Wilson was up to all along.  Our products are not only overpriced and trendy, but if you are somewhat well upholstered, they won’t last very long on you. We need to move away from Chip’s legacy of bad decisions, bad judgement, and too many Margaritas, and now we will.

Have you seen how oilfield staff are dressed these days? They need something new and exciting to bring them into the new century, maybe give those new reality shows some style!  The market is largely rurally disconnected from fashion of any kind, and it will take quite some time for them to catch on.  That’s when we make our move and SCORE!!! – Laurent Potdevin CEO, speaking from his swimming pool (which just so happens to be the Atlantic Ocean)

Although the price point for the new line of LuLuLemon oilfield gear, aptly named Bubba Pink (#Bubbink), has yet to be announced, oilfield retailers and analysts expect the apparel to “not be very inexpensive” by oil field standards.

Details of the new gear are summarized below:

1. 

   A special pair of pants designed specifically for directional drillers that are so tight that it will be impossible for them to fall asleep on the job.  They are designed to be extremely uncomfortable, and will have a remote internal cable so the geologist can tighten them up if anyone talks back or fails to follow orders.

2. Work boot covers made from a patented material that will soak up 3 times their weight in effluent in the event of a spill, saving time for cleanups as roughnecks can simply wander around aimlessly (as they normally do), and clean things up in the process.
3. A pair of gloves that are not only rugged, but are custom fit in order to give a worker’s hands that slim yet curvaceous sculptured look.  Games of  ‘Motorman Grabass’ have never felt so good!

Don Cherryman, a roughneck who had a chance to demo some of the new products at the 2014 Global Petroleum held in Calgary last week said that he “loved them!”

This new work gear should revolutionize the field industry. Time and time again in the past I’ve wondered when I will be able to get work done and look sexy at the same time.  My driller never actually ‘sees’ me.  Sure he yells a lot and orders me around, but he never sees the real me.  I want that to happen someday, and I think that time is now. – Don Cherryman, roughneck

LuLuLemon plans to make its new Bubba Pink line available this fall at its existing stores, as well as rural retailers like Marks, Work World, and Worksafe Canada.  The apparel may also make its appearance on the internet and through the Shopping Channel, although exclusivity agreements with retail outlets may prohibit mail order sales.