Top 10 new technologies unveiled at the Global Petroleum Show

CALGARY, Alberta – The 2014 Global Petroleum Show went off this year without a hitch. With over a million people showing up from all over the globe, it was a sight to behold.  The best and brightest of the world’s technological leaders were there, showcasing their hard work in hopes someone with deep pockets would put their children through college.  Government-run oil companies from around the world were there as well, hoping someone with deep pockets would put their children through college.

After 3 days of lurking around the show, making friends, meeting new people, learning about emerging tech, and occasionally drinking beer with a salesman, I want to showcase the top 10 most interesting technologies I found at the show.  The list could have been bigger, but I think for better or worse, these 10 were the talk of the show for most in attendance.

1. Boob Valves:  Not what you think.  These valves are idiot proof, as in “John’s a real boob, he always forgets to turn the valves off”  – not a valve shaped like a woman’s breast.  These Boob Valves have a spring loaded setup so they slowly close after being left open.  No more spilled oil beside separators or test spigots. – To be marketed by Pumpwest Dynamics & Engineering
2. Pig Vac:  Essentially a powerful vacuum built on top of the body of a pipeline pig. These expensive little bastards are meant to vacuum the crud off the interior walls of crude pipelines after the old school wire brushes scrape it off.  Nifty idea, but at $125,000 per unit, I think they might not sell very well – Developed and marketed by Dyson
3. Hoodie Flasky: This ingenious invention, from the makers of the bicycle mounted flask holder, is designed for field workers who spend a lot of time on a dry camp, but still like to drink a whole lot. Within the inner and outer layers of this hoodie is a specialized system of rubber bladders that are used to conceal liquids of any sort. There are 6 separate compartments, 3 of them uninsulated for hard liquor, and 3 that are passively cooled to store beer. The Platinum model is equipped with an intravenous feed that automatically hits the right spot on the arm when the hoodie is slipped on. – Developed by Flasks ‘R Us

4. 

   QwickWell Reservoir Pump:  A new twist on things Texas-sized, the QwickWell Reservoir Pump is not your average pump jack or progressive cavity pump.  In the top secret pilot project, 2 QwickWell Pumps were used to drain the targeted reservoir 453% faster than was expected of conventional pumping systems.  Moved as a system of 40 truck loads from site to site, operators can effectively drain a pool of all reserves in a set time frame projected to shareholders, essentially making production quotas guaranteed.  While the cost of the system is prohibitive, and moving a QwickWell setup is logistically a nightmare, I.O.U. Texxnologies insists that Qwickwell is the future of development. – Developed and Marketed by I.O.U. Texxnologies

5. H2OHHH-BABY!: Adding some fun to Alberta’s northern holding ponds, Mark Mitchel at H2O Solutions Inc. wants to put fun back on the menu in The Mac.  The small engineering firm designed an industrial scale slip & slide that can be placed adjacent to existing tailing and holding ponds in remote areas.  A series of filters and pumps create a portable water park for employees stuck in desolate, depressing hell holes like Ft. Mac.  His demo slide at the GPS had to be removed for fire code violations, but The Recycler technology will be on display in July just outside of Suncor’s Steepbank ponds.  Bring the kids?  Maybe not.
6. Slammer Unions:  Well what can we say about Slammer Unions?  While not the most advanced piece of hardware we saw at the show, the Slammer Unions do fit a niche in oil patch culture.  Instead of hammering a stupid union ring around and around with a peen hammer, a raised system of heavy weights simply slams the union together when you flick a lever.  No threads are used, it is simply a pinch compression seal.  Dangerous and not well thought out you say?  Maybe, but with no reported injuries in the 3 days of demonstrations at the GPS, it might just sell. – In development by Redneck Engineering in Caber, Alberta
7. Engisteering:  You thought Geosteering was bad?  Welcome to Engisteering.  This basically trusts the steerage of a complex horizontal well to a reservoir engineering team.  Yeah, I laughed too.  The animations these guys had were great but I don’t think a new column for “Score” on the EDR was a good idea. – Developed and soon to be marketed by IHS Global.
8. Bio-Pipe:  This is what happens when you let Green Peace sleep over at The Sierra Clubs house.  Bio-Pipe is a biodegradable pipeline.  I don’t think we need to get into this any further.  Idiots.
9. S’Oil’Ar Power:  If you pump oil to the top of a roof and let it run off, it creates energy as it turns turbines on the side of your house, the oil is captures in ground level culverts and re-pumped to the roof.  While I loved this guy’s enthusiasm and awesomely messy display, Cam Hoiky needs to get out more.  He got a lot of laughs in the 20 minutes I stood and stared. – Developed by Cam Hoiky International LLC.

10. 

    Card-Re-Cycling:  Alright, this is true.  In marketing 2P News at the 2014 GPS, we were meeting and handing out cards to everyone we could.  An assortment of cards were left on a table and later in the show I returned to add more.  I found a small engineering gentleman politely crossing out the 2P News logo on each card and writing his own info on the back of them.  Recycling at it’s best!  Save the world, re-purpose a business card!  Best innovation at the show!