Calgary City Council to re-freeze streets to take advantage of excess road gravel

CALGARY, Alberta – This year’s record snowfall has left Calgary city streets with an inordinate amount of gravel that may not be cleaned up until late summer.  Alderman Shacka Simmie of Ward 12-1/3 has managed to swing a majority vote in favour of re-freezing city streets with man made snow to take advantage of all the excess street grittle.

We see that there is many ways in which we waste resources here in my city.  So with this idea we move away from waste and towards a better usability of the past.  We can still use the gravel for traction on our streets, but we need ice and snow. For that is indeed why it is there in the first place. – Shacka Simmie, Alderman

Snow creation and ice care was a cost factor that city council had not anticipated to be so low.  By using the gravel clean up money cut from the budget to create the wintery dreamland, the city will break even and there will be no excess funds required.  Mayor Neshi weighed in on the topic  quickly as he was out for a tea break.

I think this is an odd plan, but sometimes here in Calgary we spend money on the things we never think we’ll need.  And one of these days we may just need one of those things. One added bonus is that the more water we use making snow, the less there is to flood our streets this spring.

The sourcing of snow-making machines should be fairly easy with all of the ski resorts in the region that are more than willing to rent them to the city.  A system of portable water tankers and oilfield bed trucks will haul the machines around while they distribute the fake snow pack into streets and onto sidewalks.  The city already has grading machines in place to help the snow mix with the gravel in an even and more useful traction ratio of snow to gravel per square meter.

The intersections will be kept nice and slippery by a fleet of Zambonis rented from all provinces except the maritimes – they still need theirs.  Many of the ice smoothing machines will come from Toronto and Ottawa, but a few are on route from British Columbia, where they are being replaced by larger excavators to help with their coastal oilsands project.

Wanda Skitzenfraff, chair of the Calgary Committee on Beautification & Loveliness had this to say outside her Inglewood home,

I just don’t see the point of making all that snow when we just got some warmer weather.  I realize the streets are a mess but can’t we just find another way to deal with it than putting more snow on it?  Nenshi is a very smart man but I can’t understand what is wrong with those other people.  They must not be right in the head.

A number of angry Calgarians had planned to protest this plan, but those plans ended when the leader of the group low-sided his 10-speed bicycle on a patch of gravel on 6th Avenue on his way to City Hall. He sustained multiple injuries including 2 broken femurs and a fractured wrist.