Engineer’s daughter returns to Calgary

CALGARY, Alberta – In September of 2013, Proved Plus Probable covered the heart wrenching story of a young girl torn between her love of the Earth and the love of her father.

Tabitha Skantch, now 8 years old, has been through more than any child should have to bear in the last 8 months.  Her father, Ron Skantch, came home from work one day and found her studying geology.  As an established and proud engineer with Cheaterson Energy, he was disgusted to levels unimaginable.  After discovering that his wife had harboured their daughter’s illicit and distasteful passion for rocks, he divorced his wife and won a hard-fought court battle to re-educate Tabitha at a remedial engineering school in Vermont.

While Tabitha remained at the private boarding school during the court proceedings, 2P News editors caught wind of a scuffle at the Skantch household over the weekend and unearthed a scandal even the likes of Alison Redford couldn’t concoct.

Ron’s ex wife, Emily Hoar-Skantch, has been having an affair with Dick Fissure, the neighbouring geologist whose son Shale Fissure was teaching Tabitha about geology last fall.  Dick’s wife, Chinese-born Gayping Fissure, declined to comment but eluded to the fact she was open to a polygamous relationship if that was where the cards fell.

That man makes me sick.  All he ever wanted was for his spawn to follow his sick, deluded, mathematical slime trail to the top of a shitty existence as a number crunching yes man without a single creative thought in his mind.  If Tabitha wants to study rocks, she can damn well study rocks.  If she wants to be an erotic dancer, I might have a tough time accepting it, but at least she’d be happy.  An engineer? Really?!  Who the heck wants that for their kids?!

The divorce was recently finalized, and Emily also won full custody of Tabitha, who has since returned to school here in Calgary much to Ron’s disapproval.  It is public knowledge that a student in the public school system in Alberta, or more specifically, in Calgary, must have a combination of astronomical levels of ambition, and very little pride to become a successful engineer.

2P News lifestyle reporter Yuu Mii tracked down Ron for a short interview, but he was violently turned away in spite of the fact she attempted to show Ron her Iron Ring as a token of comradery.

Leave me alone!  To hell with Dick, Emily, and Shale.  To hell with his wife Gayping, too! And damn that freakin’ judge!  Supporting a geologist only proves you’ve got marbles for brains!

In early January, Ron had become a floundering disgrace.  Cheaterson was forced to let him go after APEGA retracted his professional practice license for “confidential reasons”.  Unable to get a job in the Calgary petroleum community, Ron had no other choice but to accept a job with Pooperooney, a canine feces removal company that cleans up the yards of families with large pets and more money than they deserve.

Richard Fissure still can’t believe how the whole ordeal played out, and continues to offer the Peace Pipe to Ron, should he ever swallow his pride and join in a sing along.

That man is a big bag of cats in a bucket man.  I’ve caught him standing outside my house on the street just staring at my Prius, like an ichno dude staring at a great example of Climactichnites. He needs to fly the Mother Earth superhighway and just let go of his fears man.  Maybe even join us in a little tent revival, if you know what I mean.