DALLAS, Texas – Theresa Caputo, star of TLC’s hit reality TV show Long Island Medium, recently signed a 12 month contract with Cheaterson Energy to consult, and assist with horizontal drilling programs in the Skull Shelf and Nickle Toss regions of southern Texas.
The reality star has received rave reviews from fans, and her authentic success with intuition and psychic presence has made her a prime candidate for what Cheaterson is calling its Psychic Exploratory Neuron Investigation System.
We plan to use our PENIS to find new oil and gas reservoirs deep in the Permian basin, where no one has ever thought to put a PENIS to work before. We are so proud of our PENIS, it hurts me to imagine how useless our competitors felt when we unveiled our PENIS at the Houston Oil and Gas Show in September. Our PENIS is going to get so much use, it scares me to imagine what our PENIS will look like 6 months from now. – Fred Gathers, COO Cheaterson Energy.
Caputo’s spokeswoman, Carline Jehomee, agrees that the use of psychics in exploration is far under utilized and is likely to become the new norm for hard to find reservoirs.
Caputo’s spokeswoman, Carline Jehomee
I think the world needs more intuitive actions, and to use a medium in a way that isn’t purely emotional is a great idea. I’m confident that Theresa can help this program immensely, and for what Cheaterson is wiling to pay her, I would challenge anyone to say they wouldn’t at least try.
The contarct requires that Mrs. Caputo be present on drilling and data acquisition sites, as well as present during any processing in the lab. She is expected to channel the energy of whatever organism has decayed to create the hydrocarbon, which should lead to the discovery of reserves that may only be known to ancient life. The qualitative measures of connection between those prehistoric creatures and the modern day oil explorers should also bring a new depth and understanding of compassion to those who rely on oil and gas for their daily lives.
Miles Strikhaven, VP Human Resources
We feel, in a partnership with Mrs. Caputo, that we can both discover and relate to the ancient world in a way not known before. If we can get a sense of what the ancient spirits in these reservoir feel when we drill and produce them, I think if will have a profound effect on our teams and their connection to the work they do here at Cheaterson. Our PENIS will be massive. – Miles Strikhaven, VP Human Resources
Scheduled to begin in March of 2014, the PENIS program is a first of its kind anywhere in the world. A plan that involves more than the art of geology and the speculation of seismic interpretation, an industry wide PENIS program could change both the process and the scale of the petroleum industry. If successful, it will pave the way for many psychics and medium to be employed in a fashion unaccustomed to them in years past.
I think shes the biggest fraud there is, and I hope the companies using her services go bankrupt…..morons
Well done, think it should have been,” Skull Shelf and Knuckle Toss” though 😉
@ Bob: Thanks, and yes, I like your suggestion. Perhaps we will edit that in.