New APEGA boss: Engineers to lose license to practice in Alberta

EDMONTON, Alberta – Newly minted APEGA boss, Slate Rocksmith, P.Geol, the latest geological professional to take the reigns of the esteemed Association of Professional Engineers and Geopeople of Alberta, has made his first mandate loud and clear – to remove engineers from the Engineering and Geoscience Professions Act of Alberta.

Mr. Rocksmith, 87, is a hardcore pro-geologist who dreamed of becoming the APEGA boss since he was in the 3rd grade, just so that he could eliminate engineers from the self-regulating body. Fast forward seventy-nine years, and his dream has come true.

To know an engineer is to hate an engineer. I hate them, I hate them, I damn hate them. I hated them in primary school, when I was in university, and I’ve hated them throughout my entire career. If I saw an engineer on fire, I would run over him with my new Geologist Edition Toyota Prius.

 

Every engineer on the planet will stop at nothing to demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects, but they don’t know shit. Optimize this, optimize that, that’s all those eggheads want to do. What they need to do is optimize their social skills. Screw ’em.

According to Mr. Rocksmith’s plan, effective January 1st, 2014, the Engineering and Geoscience Professions Act of Alberta will be renamed to the Geoscience Act of Alberta and APEGA will in-turn be renamed to APGA. This means that engineers will no longer be allowed to practice professionally in the province nor will they be allowed to use the term Engineer in their title. Mr. Rocksmith has also decided to downsize staffing at the new APGA by rendering all of the position held by P.Eng’s redundant, only to later repost the positions which are to only be filled by geoscientists.

Although Mr. Rocksmith expects this bold move to enrage engineers throughout the province to the point that many of them will leave, reports from the streets of downtown Calgary are telling a different story.

You gotta be kidding me, engineers are kicked out of APEGA? No way?! That’s awesome! Wait… does that mean that I will stop receiving those quarterly PEG magazines that go straight to my blue box, and those 20-30 bullshit e-PEG extra, PD Seminar, and Calgary Branch news spam emails every week? Bwaahahahaha.

 

So let me get this right, there’s nothing but rock lickers in APEGA now, hahahaha, good luck to them. Hahaha. Yeah. This is great, man. Thanks for that news, you just made my day. – Pierce Redbush, facilities engineer

A report from the Alberta Government, who oversees the Engineering and Geosciences Act, reports that Mr. Rocksmith might have jumped the gun, and proposed drastic changes to the Act and the regulatory body’s name without formal approval from Alison Redford and the Minister of Industry, who is a P.Eng. Attempts to contact the Province for details about it approving or rejecting Mr. Rocksmith’s proposal have been ignored.