New fracking method developed by Hollimorton will drain all Syrian oil pools – at once

HOUSTON, Texas – In the wake of Syrian political disruption and civil war, oil prices have swung left and right while analysts and market predictors balance what the future holds. Many see a war in the Middle East as another hitch in the giddy-up of current oil prices. But Dallas Fougshunii, a political advisor to President Obama, who is also an internationally recognized and award-winning reservoir engineer employed by Hollimorton, thinks he has a solution.

The solution: A new fracturing technology developed in conjunction with the Department of Defense that uses ultra-high energy chain-reaction matter destabilization to induce fractures in unconventional reservoirs.

This process would effectively trigger an oil production and recovery program that would drain the Middle East of all of its remaining oil reserves within 2 years – even oil that, before this technology, was not producible.  After employing this leading-edge fracking technique, there would be no more need for wars in and around Syria. Period.

The FUCK process (Fission Utilizing Complex Kinetics), is deployed in two stages, both from the air.  The first stage is an aerial reconnaissance of the area using aeromagnetics and airborne seismic surveys to identify major fault trends and the weakest point in the reservoir.  From a rock mechanics perspective, this should be the focal point for any FUCKed operation, and provides the greatest effect on the reservoir. The second stage involves dropping a device onto a strategically surveyed area on the land’s surface, in an effort to have the device fracture its way into the reservoir and inturn trigger the sub-atomic, energy-releasing, chain-reaction process.

If the FUCKed operation goes well, there will be a ripple effect out to the smaller natural fracture systems, and quite possibly a whole lot of new fracture systems, in manner that might be very difficult to control or even stop.

 

There may even be after effects similar to the surface leakage that was seen by PNRL in northern Alberta. In fact, the operations might be so successful that the existing infrastructure will have to be upgraded to accommodate the ultra-hight production rates. – Phil Gruber with Hollimorton.

Although none of the typical environmental lobby groups have stood in front of the bulldozer on this project.  Many political leaders from the region have voiced concern over the safety of their citizens.  Not only about the inherent spills and damage done by industry in general at surface or in groundwater, but by the after effects of initiating the FUCKed program within proximity of a populated area.

I cannot accept that we need to set off these devices to get more oil out of the ground.  Why?  Do we not have enough oil already? I don’t see cars and trucks broken down on the street because they need oil.

 

It seems extremely unsafe to do this in my town, and I will be watching for any mistakes.  – Muli Ahjakmadad, Syrian National, and Farmer

One nation that has jumped to the front of the research queue is Iran.  Although Iran claims to not have the necessary components to initiate and follow through on a FUCKed project, it seems that if the new technology is used for energy and resource development purposes, the materials required to get FUCKed might be available to Iran through a loophole in the G45-2A treaty of 1997.

And pending a successful implementation of the new fracking technique in and around Syria, analysts predict that the United States of America, Canada, and Mexico would all like to follow suit and get FUCKed.