U of C creates Bachelor’s of Middle Management program

CALGARY, Alberta – In an effort to cater to the growing need for suitable middle managers in the oil and gas industry, the University of Calgary’s Faculty of Business has joined forces with the Department of Human Behavioral Ecology and Diplomatic History to create a new undergraduate program. The new program, called the Bachelors of Middle Management, will help prepare university students with the skills necessary to excel in a middle management position without having to spend a decade or longer in the industry learning to become middle managers on their own.

The Dean responsible for creating the program, Dr. Intuya Blackbush, speaks to the ideas behind it.

“As you know, people from the Baby Boomer generation are dropping like flies out of the oil and gas industry, and most of them are middle managers. The junior and intermediate employees are currently not sufficiently trained in middle management to fill the gap left behind.

So this new program is designed to help shorten the time it takes to get suitably trained middle managers into the industry, by providing them with the skills they need at a very early age.” – Dr. Blackbush, program director

The new program will be offered at the UofC’s downtown campus starting in the fall of 2013. The curriculum for the 2-year bachelor’s program will comprise the following courses:

First Year

• CS547 – Middle Manager Posturing (feet up on a reclined chair with hands behind your head)
• HY123 – Looking Busy When You’re Not 101 (mastering the art of walking quickly with an empty file folder)
• CG398 – Conflict Mockery (learning to say, “You guys are frickin’ adults, figure it out your damn selves for Pete’s sake”)
• VY198 – How to Insult Subordinates and Get Away with It
• JJ873 – Being Politically Incorrect with Tact
• UI111 – Using Unnecessarily Verbose & Grandiloquently Length Words 101

Second Year

• AC784 – Advanced Creative Expensing (learn how to hide things on the company expense form – “I don’t see 17 beers on this lunch-for-4 expense, can you see them?”)
• VP691 – Intermediate Turd Nosing (knowing when to stop sticking your nose up the VP’s ass)
• XX949 – Intro to Project Economics Fudging (how to inflate economic deliverable to get budget money)
• YU174 – Technical Bullshitting 101 (mastering the art of techy geologic and engineering talk without being questioned)
• RT582 – Expert Indiscriminate Delegating (get other people to do anything you want)
• HH742 – Bonus Enlargement Theory (how to maximize your bonus while doing less work than your peers)

Registration for the new degree program is already at 85% capacity, and the University of Calgary expects the inaugural year of this program to be a resounding success.

Sherry Tropplechits, a business analyst who analyses business at Bendovus Energy, has nothing but good things to say about the new program,

“I feel as if this program was meant just for me!  Every time I pass my managers’ office they look so cool and confident, but I know they aren’t getting anything really important done. And now I can learn how to master that skill and still be promoted beyond my usefulness.  Thank you U of C! – Sherry Topplechits, business analyst at Bendovus (not for long)” – Sherry Tropplechits, business analyst