OPEC, In No Mood For Fight, agrees USA is definitely ‘something’

FRANKFURT, Germany – A moment of clarity stalled the crowd at the 2013 Oil & Gas Production PowWow in Frankfurt yesterday.  In what was bound to be a 4-day screaming match between vocal OPEC producers and the rest of the world (United States), OPEC spokesman Randimaj Badjar Tummelinfi spoke with dignity and poise when he conceded that the United States was definitely ‘something’.

“We have, as a group of industry leaders, and professionals, come to the conclusion, that we all agree, that the United States, and its people, are definitely something ‘special’.  We see no reason to continue arguing with someone so ‘special’.  We are going to continue this course of inaction, until such time as we deem them to be… not so ‘special.'” – Randimaj Badjar Tummelinfi, OPEC

The statement has some people confused as to its meaning, and some concerned about its operational ramifications to the industry.  But the large majority of outbursts following Randimaj Badjar’s speech were from the Texas Loves Alabama coalition lobby who traveled from the US of A to be here in Germany this week.

“Ya’ll think we can do more special than you think is special?  We’ll show you special, come over there and we’ll put special in your backyard.  I got something right here with special written all over it, I’ll give you special you special sumbitch” – Georgetta FlatBush, CEO of Deep Wells LLC, and founder of Georgettas Chicken and Waffles

The true nature of the message was aimed at the heart of American pride and sense of centrism.  OPEC leaders have heard nothing but tales of woe from The West.

“Resource that, and more oil than Saudi this.  We’ve heard it all.  Safe oil!  Safe supply!  No more wars!  Enough.  We know we have our share of issues politically over here in the Middle East, but darn you Obama, we still have oil, and we are still pumping it out.  Just let us figure out these damn crazies and we’ll be fine.  We know you have oil and gas in your country, but you have NO MONEY TO GET IT OUT! ” – Jimmiriad Ferengi Humbolti Revelsianne, Leader of Oil Pump Saudi #346

The PowWow ended shortly after the last speech by the leader of OPEC, and a very unusual calm had swept into the chambers.  Americans were for once silen, and in awe of the audacity displayed by the other leaders.  Rumors abound that shortly after American delegates reached their cars, a consortium led by Halliburton and Weatherford was forming to combat the inferred nature and spirit of the speech.