New style of oilsands mine employs 5000 Little People, Hollywood cancels 7 films

FORT McMURRAY, Alberta – Oilsands mining has traditionally been dominated by open pit style mining, with delineation drilling around the edges to define and target additional resources.  But a new venture play developed by industry-leading Bendovus Energy is poised to redefine oil sands development while simultaneously reviving old world thinking.

This new style of deep-shaft mining, developed in part by diamond mining titan DaBears, will involve a combination drill and mine, shaft style, as often seen in old western movies.  One issue faced by several companies trying to develop this was shaft collapse in the soft oilsand sediments.  The ingenious solution conceived by Bendovus Energy (in all of its glory), was to mine smaller shafts.  A 3ft by 3ft shaft can be stabilized and allow scooping of sand and pumping of excess fluid easily enough.

But with a shaft that size, the senior oilsands player will need to bring in special workers from around the world – little people, and physically mature children.

We’re going to pay them very very well, on the order of $2500 per day for their services.  It will be laborious work to be sure, but with production teams of 25 or 30 men/women/strong children per shift, scooping the oil-rich sand by hand, and manually bringing buckets of it to surface, we expect it to go very smoothly. – Dèng Xiǎopíng Dòngbīn, President and CEO, Bendovus Energy

Shortround Casting Services in Hollywood has already started to dismiss actors from their SAG card and roster, as more and more of their smaller film stars move to Fort McMurray and leave their acting careers behind.

We’ve lost 43 actors thus far, 2 mini series shut down, and the next 6 Hobbit movies are cancelled already, not to mention the Ewok trilogy Disney was working on.  It’s going to be devastating to our company and our industry.  We are losing some of the most beloved characters there ever were.  You just cannot compete with Big Oil, especially an innovative powerhouse like Bendovus Energy! – Ricky Gella, Talent Manager, Shortround Casting Company

The first shaft mine is scheduled to open in February of 2014, and upon successful recoveries, 12 more shafts will kick-off in Q2, followed by additional development in Q4 2014 to over 100 shafts. Bendovus Energy expects this new shaft mining technique to increase its oilsands production to 4,734 bopd.