Directional driller angry with Vatican

Kip Ripplin has expressed his anger with the Vatican after he was not even considered in the recent process of choosing a new Pope.

Kip has been a important figure in his mind for at least the last 8 months.  After his time in what can arguably be considered the most important industry in the world (especially speaking, without regard to intoned and argumentative opposition), he has become a reasonably successful directional driller.  He was truly hurt when he was bypassed not only for the role, but a nomination, or even a response to an email he sent.

I feel that if I can run a rig, and am 98% responsible for any success an oil company has, I can run that Vatican place.  Hands down!  All of my PokerSpace and Facebook friends agree too, so I don’t know what their deal is over there in ‘Rome.’  Maybe their scared of someone shaking things up and getting shit done.  All I know is that I was perfect for the job, I am just about as close to God as you can get without coming back at Easter, and I have a kickass truck, which would be great for driving in  all those parades they have over there.

As conclave has ended, the Vatican has refused to comment, although a Bishop in Idaho was unofficially quoted as saying,

I heard about his push to be nominated, but he does not attend any church, let alone a Catholic church, and he has tatoos of the Devil shoveling coal into his buttocks, which he thought appropriate to attach to his email.  If that is true, I just don’t think it would be a good fit.

Kip has tried to file an appeal with the Vatican but it as fallen on deaf ears, according to him.  He has subsequently started a small cult of devout roughnecks and some drillers in Horn River, BC, where he has selflessly saved millions of dollars for the oil companies he works for, and still goes largely unrewarded for his efforts.