Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.

Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch

Cast
Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon

Two white-collar geophysicists save the world from alien invasions using leading edge software and thumpers in Francis Birch’s fast moving, sci-fi thriller.

Francis Birch has taken more than his fair share of critical knocks over the years thanks to such films as The Creature from the Coarsening Upwards Tidal Lagoon, Reservoir Engineering Dogs, and the awesomely boring Rock of Ages: Memoirs of a Geologist. But you have to at least give him credit for tapping into the geophysical, sci-fi combo with his latest effort, Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge. This high-flying sci-fi revenge thriller offers the cathartic experience of watching the problem-solving antics of 2 senior geophysicists finding and then squashing aliens with an array of geophysical software and field tools. If only it was as good as it sounds.

This more scientific than usual effort from Birch starts out with an all-star cast including the likes of Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Michelle Pfeiffer. The movie is set in the year 2014 in downtown Calgary, Alberta, Canada. After law enforcement learns of an increasing number of mysterious slayings and the ominous presence of an evil force of no good, the western capital of Canada has been declared a state of emergency governed by only Nenshi law.

After the military failed to locate the perpetrators, they reported that they had seen a number of what appeared to be wormholes in the ground in the city’s Olympic Plaza area. Two senior geophysicists who caught wind of this development, played by Pitt and Clooney, immediately jumped in their truck, drove to the area and hired a 3rd party to shoot 3D seismic across all of southern Alberta. The 2 then speed back to their office to process the seismic data.

After two months of seismic sleuthing, they learned that there was an anti-clinal structure directly beneath the Beau Building that was home to hundreds of aliens (for some strange reason, the aliens have a penchant for the cold, sour blood of employees of the building’s tenant, Bendovus Energy). Of course after the processing time, the aliens had killed 98% of the Bendovus Energy staff, but c’est la vie.  Armed with nothing but some colleagues, iPhones (Apple plugging their latest geo-phone app), and a number of thumper trucks, the geophysical duo were able to eradicate the aliens (played by Michelle Pfeiffer and Reese Witherspoon – without makeup), drill a well into the structure, and cement off the lair.

This was one of my toughest roles to date. Brad and I were put a rotation through various oil and gas companies in downtown Calgary shadowing real-life geophysicists to see how it is really done, so that we could make the part look real.

 

On a number of occasions, I fell asleep while one of them was depth converting, but that’s okay, because they too often fall asleep considering how boring, monotonous, uninteresting, and unchallenging their job is – I completely understand.

Keeping in trend with Birch’s other industry movie attempts, Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge was a categorical flop. The movie grossed nearly $759,365 internationally over its debut weekend, roughly $110,000,000 behind the #1 movie. But despite the movie’s failure, there are reports of geophysicists throughout the industry receiving 50 to 60% base salary increases and their sex lives surged from virtually nonexistent, to going out on a few dates a week thanks to a boost in their coolness factor.

Proved Plus Probable Weekly News gives this movie 0.25 out of 5 stars.