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Alberta program promises to deliver emissions reduction pathway for committed environmentalists after they die

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CALGARY — In what officials describe as a “post-mortem emissions-reduction pathway for committed environmentalists,” the Calgary Center for Creative Cremation (CCCC) confirmed Monday that it will begin offering Alberta’s first activist-focused cement integration service in Q2 2026, in partnership with Alberta Aggregates. The program is explicitly designed for environmental activists who wish to continue reducing emissions after death, by having their cremated remains incorporated into engineered cement blends used for well abandonment and environmental remediation projects across the province. “For many...

Calgary City Council Announces New Public Transit Programs for Q1 2026

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CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary city council has announced a number of new public transit programs to be implemented early in 2026. These programs aim to improve transit user experience and reduce costs, with a goal to increase ridership within the city's network of light-rail transit trains. “There were dozens of ideas put forward at our internal strategy round table.  Of those we have selected the 10 best proposals we felt could be implemented without years of construction or consultations. The...

Engineers Ditch Corporate Life, Launch Calgary’s First Mobile Oil & Gas Consulting Food Truck

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CALGARY, AB — Proving once again that the oilpatch remains the beating heart of questionable innovation, two Calgary engineers have quit their corporate jobs to launch Frack n' Snack Engineering Solutions™, the city’s first mobile oil & gas consulting company operated entirely out of a repurposed 1998 GMC food truck that promises "fast, fresh, on-the-go technical expertise, while you wait." The founders, Cindy “Sidetrack” McKinnon, a drilling & completions engineer, and Felipe “P10” Morales, a reservoir engineer, say they’re “disrupting...

EXCLUSIVE: ATA President Announces Plan to Hire Unemployed Oilfield Workers to Help Teachers Navigate...

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By Cynthia Redbush | 2P News – Education, Petroleum, and Paper Cuts Division EDMONTON, AB - Following their government-forced return to classrooms, Alberta teachers are adapting to new realities with an unprecedented plan: enlisting unemployed engineers and geologists from the oil patch to “help manage educational turbulence” in the classroom. 2P News’ senior education correspondent Cynthia Redbush sat down with ATA President Jayson Billing, who explained the union’s strategy while nervously constructing a stress pyramid out of chalk, coffee stir sticks, and...

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Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do If They’re Legislated Back to Work

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EDMONTON, Alberta - As contract talks between the Alberta Teachers’ Association and the province hit the “we’ll-legislate-you-back” stage of negotiations, educators across the province are already preparing their battle...

The Quantum Mechanics of Excel Clipboard’s 4.20 Picosecond Lifespan

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GENEVA, Switzerland - In a groundbreaking study published this week in the Journal of Computational Nonsense, researchers at the Federal University of Klingnau's department of Spreadsheet Physics have finally...

Calgary-Area Geologists Launch Class-Action Lawsuit over Bryan Adam’s “Rock Show”

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Over 1,700 Calgary-area geologists join the Class Action suit The group cites advertising the event as a "rock show" was grossly misleading Lawyers seeking punitive compensation for wasted...

Dear Andy: I’m a 27 year old petroleum geologist looking to switch careers. What should I do?

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Dear Andy, "I’m a 27-year-old petroleum geologist and I want out. The oilfield has drained me dry—literally. Every well I’ve touched in the last 3 years has been dustier than...

Online Retail Giant Expands Into Canadian Oil & Gas, Offers Free Drilling With $29 Purchase

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Calgary, Alberta — In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and oil patch veterans choking on their soy-based flat whites, Chinese e-commerce giant TEMU has announced...

PoleStar Training Ltd. Launches Oilfield Safety Ticket Training School, Industry Enrollments Explode

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Fort McMurray, AB – In what industry insiders are calling “the most innovative safety training initiative since flame-retardant coveralls,” a group of exotic dancers has founded PoleStar Training Ltd.,...

Bob Hope and Bing Crosby to Make ‘Road to Calgary’ Movie

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HOLLYWOOD, California - Despite the fact that the duo have been deceased for many years, publicists for Bob Hope and Bing Crosby announced today that they would be filming...

Sir William’s History Corner: The Oil Embargo of 1973

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BREA, California – This installment of History Corner offers commentary from someone who was there for the Great Oil Embargo of 1973/1974.  I was just getting started in the...

Crazy Old Fart Reveals Secrets of Seismic Processing

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HOUSTON, Texas - Hazy O’Grady, a semi-retired geophysical consultant, claims that he is one of a handful of people who fully understands seismic processing. In an interview with your obedient servant, Mr. O’Grady, who’s so old he’s a founding member of the Society of...

Canadian Space Agency sending geologists to Mars and the Moon to study space rocks

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VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Early on the morning of September 30th, 2018, the sky near Cape Couveral, BC, will light up as the United Alliance Geo IV Very Heavy spacecraft will thunder into space carrying a shortbus-sized transporter with 37 geologists from across Canada.  ...

Geophysicist develops 6th sense for discovering PNG deposits

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ESTEVAN, Saskatchewan - Back in the early history of the PNG industry, oil was literally found by stumbling upon seeps of oil that made its way to the surface of the earth - drill there. Easy. More recently, seismic technology, along with the geophysical...

Geologic Time Scale Revised

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AUSTIN, Texas – It’s no secret that with the massive downturn in the oil and gas industry enrolment in the geosciences departments of most universities has fallen to near zero.  This has left departments scrambling to attract students at any cost.  The University of...

Area geologist undertakes huge mapping project

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ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOUSE, Alberta - Airplane hangars.  They are not typically associated with oil and gas other than they are sometimes strategically placed near remote oilfields and work camps for shuttling employees and contractors.  But an exploration company building 4 of its own within...

Casket Wars Canada reality TV show sweeping the nation

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CALGARY, Alberta - From the network that brought you Storage Wars and 27 & Counting, B&E's brand new reality TV show, Casket Wars Canada, is sweeping the nation and making many loyal fans along the way. Casket Wars is broadcast Wednesdays on CPAC and...

EndGame Energy eyes a magmatic geothermal play

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HOUSTON, Texas - A collaboration between several oil and gas giants in Houston has given rise to EndGame Energy. The fresh company has a very novel and interesting take on the world of geothermal energy, with plans to create a deep earth magmatic pumping...

Geophrenologist Claims Ability to Locate Oil and Gas

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LOONEYTUNE, California - The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines phrenology as the study of the conformation of the skull based on the belief that it is indicative of mental faculties and character.  That is, the bumps and ridges that can be felt on a person’s skull...

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2P News Staff

Andy Killinger
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Antoine McGuillicuddy
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Most Commented

Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid

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HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...

Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff

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CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night. Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...

Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury

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RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history.  Deep Thrust...

Guest Opinion: Put your head down, do your work, and STFU.

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Mike Rotchburns, a former reservoir engineer, essayist, and cultural critic, is the author or the NW Calgary best-selling home-printed booklet "Please shut the fuck up already" When 2P News co-founders Darcy and Antoine asked me to write a guest opinion piece about working with annoying people, I jumped at the...

Andy’s Mail Bag: Part 4

EPA approves high-pressure subsurface fluid filtering

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DENVER, Colorado - While continuing to keep oil and gas hydraulic fracturing environmental legislation very strict throughout the United States, the EPA just this morning approved a high-pressure fluid...

Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil

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CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

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CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...

Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot

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CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...

No pipelines, no trains, just Ass

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HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak.  Got it.  Trains derail.  Got it.  So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...

HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys

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CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...

Former oil company executive relegated to greeter

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CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

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HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...

Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

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The Bottom Line This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts. Director-Screenwriter Francis Birch Cast Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon Two white-collar...

Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story

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Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...

Back in the Day

Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.

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Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...

Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee

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CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again. Well, I typically don't go...

Redford considers new royalty of a flat 100%

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EDMONTON, Alberta - Premier Alison Redford and her cabinet are considering changing Alberta's oil and gas royalty scheme once again. On this incarnation of the royalty structure, she proposes to simplify the mathematics by imposing a 100% royalty on all oil and gas volumes produced in the province of...

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