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- Canada to declare military war against the US amid trade disputes
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- Inuit to Farm-Raise Sperm Whales
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- Keystoned Pipeline approved amid controversy
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- Oil price headed to $200 per barrel as lunchmeat crisis hits southern Arkansas
- New style of oilsands mine employs 5000 Little People, Hollywood cancels 7 films
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- Darcy Awards celebrate the worst and the worser of the Oil and Gas industry
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- HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
- Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
- Consultant proposes digging holes on well leases to bury dirt
- No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
- Mayor Nenshi considers a new downtown courier system for safer, faster deliveries
- Proved Plus Probable reader submits own article
- Drilling rig incident attracts a ‘Mouse’ful of attention
- Oil company misinterprets road sign, bulldozes swingset and builds oil lease
- VP promoted to Senior VP of VPs and reports to Executive VP
- Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
- Man continues to enter PC password despite typo
- Landman expenses non-work-related lunch
- <strong>Versus 1:</strong> Production Engineer vs. Reservoir Engineer
- Oil and gas producing companies need more IT/IS, HR, and accounting staff
- Area woman falls asleep while being enlightened by engineer
- Wellsite geologist drills a dual-leg horizontal well in 100% non-reservoir
- Engineer estimates reserves to 7 decimal place precision
- Company’s stock jumps after Production Engineer fixes rod break
- Woman’s sophisticated order at Starbucks upsets local area man
- Downtown Calgary buildings to be retrofitted to avoid falling ice
- Technical sales manager eats only meeting leftovers at work
- Geological Tech disappointed to find somebody in his safe haven Bat Cave
- Company granted license to drill oil well in downtown Calgary
- Redford considers new royalty of a flat 100%
- Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
- GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
- Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
- Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
- Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
Top Story
Recent News
Alberta program promises to deliver emissions reduction pathway for committed environmentalists after they die
CALGARY — In what officials describe as a “post-mortem emissions-reduction pathway for committed environmentalists,” the Calgary Center for Creative Cremation (CCCC) confirmed Monday that it will begin offering Alberta’s first activist-focused cement integration service in Q2 2026, in partnership with Alberta Aggregates.
The program is explicitly designed for environmental activists who wish to continue reducing emissions after death, by having their cremated remains incorporated into engineered cement blends used for well abandonment and environmental remediation projects across the province.
“For many...
Calgary City Council Announces New Public Transit Programs for Q1 2026
CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary city council has announced a number of new public transit programs to be implemented early in 2026. These programs aim to improve transit user experience and reduce costs, with a goal to increase ridership within the city's network of light-rail transit trains.
“There were dozens of ideas put forward at our internal strategy round table. Of those we have selected the 10 best proposals we felt could be implemented without years of construction or consultations. The...
Engineers Ditch Corporate Life, Launch Calgary’s First Mobile Oil & Gas Consulting Food Truck
CALGARY, AB — Proving once again that the oilpatch remains the beating heart of questionable innovation, two Calgary engineers have quit their corporate jobs to launch Frack n' Snack Engineering Solutions™, the city’s first mobile oil & gas consulting company operated entirely out of a repurposed 1998 GMC food truck that promises "fast, fresh, on-the-go technical expertise, while you wait."
The founders, Cindy “Sidetrack” McKinnon, a drilling & completions engineer, and Felipe “P10” Morales, a reservoir engineer, say they’re “disrupting...
EXCLUSIVE: ATA President Announces Plan to Hire Unemployed Oilfield Workers to Help Teachers Navigate...
By Cynthia Redbush | 2P News – Education, Petroleum, and Paper Cuts Division
EDMONTON, AB - Following their government-forced return to classrooms, Alberta teachers are adapting to new realities with an unprecedented plan: enlisting unemployed engineers and geologists from the oil patch to “help manage educational turbulence” in the classroom.
2P News’ senior education correspondent Cynthia Redbush sat down with ATA President Jayson Billing, who explained the union’s strategy while nervously constructing a stress pyramid out of chalk, coffee stir sticks, and...
More Recent News
Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do If They’re Legislated Back to Work
EDMONTON, Alberta - As contract talks between the Alberta Teachers’ Association and the province hit the “we’ll-legislate-you-back” stage of negotiations, educators across the province are already preparing their battle...
The Quantum Mechanics of Excel Clipboard’s 4.20 Picosecond Lifespan
GENEVA, Switzerland - In a groundbreaking study published this week in the Journal of Computational Nonsense, researchers at the Federal University of Klingnau's department of Spreadsheet Physics have finally...
Calgary-Area Geologists Launch Class-Action Lawsuit over Bryan Adam’s “Rock Show”
Over 1,700 Calgary-area geologists join the Class Action suit
The group cites advertising the event as a "rock show" was grossly misleading
Lawyers seeking punitive compensation for wasted...
Dear Andy: I’m a 27 year old petroleum geologist looking to switch careers. What should I do?
Dear Andy,
"I’m a 27-year-old petroleum geologist and I want out. The oilfield has drained me dry—literally. Every well I’ve touched in the last 3 years has been dustier than...
Online Retail Giant Expands Into Canadian Oil & Gas, Offers Free Drilling With $29 Purchase
Calgary, Alberta — In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and oil patch veterans choking on their soy-based flat whites, Chinese e-commerce giant TEMU has announced...
PoleStar Training Ltd. Launches Oilfield Safety Ticket Training School, Industry Enrollments Explode
Fort McMurray, AB – In what industry insiders are calling “the most innovative safety training initiative since flame-retardant coveralls,” a group of exotic dancers has founded PoleStar Training Ltd.,...
New flood prevention scheme to save Calgary and area
CALGARY, Alberta - Reports show that residents in Calgary and surrounding areas are concerned about sudden melt water recreating last years flood disaster.
Although many challenges have been overcome in...
Long Island Medium star consults for Cheaterson Energy in Texas
DALLAS, Texas - Theresa Caputo, star of TLC's hit reality TV show Long Island Medium, recently signed a 12 month contract with Cheaterson Energy to consult, and assist with...
UN moves to ban geological studies worldwide
"It is because of the study of geology that our dear earth is in shambles," UN chief
Changes to take effect January 1st, 2020
NEW YORK, New York - This morning, Jurgen Dagnaut, Chancellor of the Scientific Review panel at the United Nations, announced...
Scientists Admit that the Earth is Flat After All
LONDON, England - In perhaps the most astonishing mea culpa in recorded history, representatives of all the major scientific organizations issued a joint statement admitting that the Earth is flat and not the oblate spheroid that has been taught world-wide for centuries. Dr. Phib...
70s Geologist, Debbil Maysong, wants his pencils back
CALGARY, Alberta - Gates, Jobs, Page, Brin, and Zuckerberg. These people are a quick list of huge success at the hands of computer tech in recent years, as technology has soared to the forefront of everything we do at home and at work.
Computers have...
Geologist Discovers What “The Gostak Distims the Doshes” Means
BREA, California - In 1923 C. K. Ogden and I. A. Richards wrote a book called The Meaning of Meaning. In it was a story about a man who travels to a distant, unfamiliar place and repeatedly hears the inhabitants use the phrase “the...
Calgary-based geologist patents GeoThermals™
CALGARY, Alberta - Kristoph Iverson, graduated in 2001 with a geology degree, got a job at Encana, as most of his class did. Eventually he was repeatedly unemployed, divorced, lost his home, and ended up doing small mapping projects for food scraps behind Boston...
Geophrenologist Claims Ability to Locate Oil and Gas
LOONEYTUNE, California - The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines phrenology as the study of the conformation of the skull based on the belief that it is indicative of mental faculties and character. That is, the bumps and ridges that can be felt on a person’s skull...
University of Eastern Ontario Modernizes Geology and Earth Science Program
TORONTO, Ontario - This morning the University of Eastern Ontario (Eastern) announced the complete and total overhaul of its Earth Science and Geological curriculum, as well as the removal of all Economic Geology courses and programs.
The new curriculum will focus on the scientific explanation...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of resource play while fooling around with geology as his geoscience team was away on a field trip. Johan had been...
Calgary Weather
Calgary
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52 %
3.5kmh
100 %
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Dear Andy: Ultimate cures for a Stampede hangover
GOOD MORNING! Too loud? We know that most of our avid readers, as well as hundreds of thousands of people are suffering right now. Too many corn dogs and bottom-poured Solo cups of lager? Yes. During the Stampede of 2013, one of our stranger staff members, Andy Killinger, replied...
Condoms ease Northern Gateway concerns
KITIMAT, British Columbia - The Northern Gateway pipeline is the center of much controversy in Canada recently. The pipeline threatens to draw a harsh divide between the practical, working...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon
Two white-collar...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
