Recent News
Alberta Premier Smith finds loophole in pending U.S. tariffs on oil exports
Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 - In what many are calling a historic "innovation" in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge the impending tariffs that will be imposed by newly elected U.S. President Donald Trump in Q1 2025. Rather than sending Alberta oil through pipelines or rail—both subject to tariffs—Smith has announced an ambitious plan to float crude oil down the continent’s waterways, naturally drifting them south to U.S. refineries.
Smith, standing...
2P News Stock Surges on Laugh Production Boom, Hiring Frenzy Expected
Laughs-per-share up 145%, chortles and knee-slappers at all-time high
Sombrero-tipping value over debt adjusted laugh flow up 71% year-over-year
Top brass look to capitalize on unexpected comedy resurgence with hiring spree
CALGARY, Alberta – In a shocking turnaround that left analysts chuckling in disbelief, shares of 2P News (ToPee.TSX) skyrocketed over 200% today after the company reported a record-breaking third quarter, with laughs-per-share up by 145% and reader engagement reaching what they call “historic giggle heights.”
“This is the kind...
OmniCore Energy’s BeamStream™ technology to revolutionize oil and gas upstream, midstream, retail, and emissions...
HOUSTON, TX — In an eagerly anticipated press conference this morning, Houston-based OmniTech Energy Services unveiled what it calls BeamSteam™, a technology straight out of Star Trek that promises to eradicate the need for drilling well bores, building pipelines, and even skips the gasoline retail sector. This revolutionary technology promises to beam oil directly from subsurface reservoirs to refineries, where the finished product is then beamed straight into your vehicle's fuel tank - via an smartphone app.
“Why waste time...
Geologist Stirs Controversy with Revolutionary “Under-Superposition” Stratigraphy Theory
CALGARY, Alberta - In a stunning twist to the field of geology, Dr. Hamilton Flipova, the chief geoscientist at the lesser-known Rock Bottom Institute located in Edmonton, Alberta, has made waves with his groundbreaking theory that the oldest geologic formations actually lie above the younger ones in the stratigraphic chart. His thesis, which he refers to as “Reverse Stratigraphy,” has left his peers confused, skeptical, and mildly amused.
“It's simple," Dr. Flipova explained at a recent GeoConvention conference, during which...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
Top 12 Oil and Gas Rumours Abound for 2025
CALGARY, Alberta - As 2025 nears, Western Canada’s oil and gas sector is buzzing with wild rumours. From “eco-friendly fracking” using tofu-based lubricants to Alberta towns converting Timbits into...
Next Millenia Energy looking to wow investors with long-range development plans
CALGARY, Alberta - Saskatoon-based Next Millenia Energy Inc. (TSX: NME) has recently acquired surface rights in 87 townships in the WCSB, planning a very unique oil and gas play....
Alberta’s Project Dawn Discovery aims to help identify and reduce methane leaks
CALGARY, Alberta - Project Dawn Discovery, the unofficial nickname for a new Alberta energy and sustainability initiative created in conjunction with its energy regulatory arm, the Alberta Oil and...
Engineer comes “out of the cooler,” shocks friends and wider oil and gas community
CALGARY, Alberta – In a revelation that has rocked Alberta’s oil patch more than a 17,874,232,981,842.6 nanolitre pipeline spill, longtime senior reservoir engineer Lou Zarr bravely confessed this week...
Saskatoon-based FizzBang H20 shakes up the energy industry
RED DEER, Alberta – In a shocking twist that has left the Canadian energy sector fizzing with excitement, Regina-based beverage titan FizzBang H2O announced today that it has acquired...
Open-pit oil and gas mining coming to Alberta by 2025 Q1
OTTAWA, Ontario – The Canadian oil and gas industry is notorious for its complex and costly techniques, requiring a PhD to understand and an even bigger wallet to execute....
Eng-Man and Geo-Boy, is TC Comics Desperate?
LOS ANGELES, California - The last few years have been challenging for the entertainment industry, to say the least. The market for new ideas is shrinking, and combined with...
Growing splinter group of pro-Alberta protesters challenge the East to ‘all out war’
Group's growth fueled by disgust with ideologies of people from the east, and some folk from the west
Leader says he'll mount a no-joke offensive eastward if volunteer...
Calgary-based geologist patents GeoThermals™
CALGARY, Alberta - Kristoph Iverson, graduated in 2001 with a geology degree, got a job at Encana, as most of his class did. Eventually he was repeatedly unemployed, divorced, lost his home, and ended up doing small mapping projects for food scraps behind Boston...
How a public car insurance lawsuit by a Regina geologist is hitting home in Saskatchewan
SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - A Regina-based petroleum geologist has filed a lawsuit against Saskatchewan Government Insurance (SGI), citing an insurance claim to which they deemed no-fault. The problem for the provincial public insurer is that Randall Carlslane, P.Geo., has studied the accident scene, and clearly there...
Long Island Medium star consults for Cheaterson Energy in Texas
DALLAS, Texas - Theresa Caputo, star of TLC's hit reality TV show Long Island Medium, recently signed a 12 month contract with Cheaterson Energy to consult, and assist with horizontal drilling programs in the Skull Shelf and Nickle Toss regions of southern Texas.
The reality...
Geologist-in-Training launches wrongful dismissal suit
CALGARY, Alberta - Zeerana Astransy graduated with honors from the University of Alberta in 2012, and quickly made a move to a development role as a geologist-in-training with mid-sized PNG operator, Righteous Resources. After nearly 18 months of development and where she drilled a...
Norse Gods form Midgard Geophysical Services
THULE, Greenland - The Norse god Thor announced today that he and a group of other Asgardians have incorporated a new geophysical services company, Midgard Geophysical Services, Inc. (MGS). Its principle activity will be performing terrestrial seismic surveys in difficult terrain and extreme climates. Marine...
Canadian Space Agency sending geologists to Mars and the Moon to study space rocks
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Early on the morning of September 30th, 2018, the sky near Cape Couveral, BC, will light up as the United Alliance Geo IV Very Heavy spacecraft will thunder into space carrying a shortbus-sized transporter with 37 geologists from across Canada. ...
Elephant Hired as Exploration Geologist
HOUSTON, Texas – TexxonMogul announced today that it has hired its first pachyderm petroleum geologist. The Indian elephant, who hails from Mumbai and goes by the name Alice, replaces the entire staff of exploration geologists in the Houston office. A special area on the...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of resource play while fooling around with geology as his geoscience team was away on a field trip. Johan had been...
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Dear Andy: I’m worried about a recent outbreak of NerdVid-42 viruses spreading through my office, what should I do?
Dear Andy:
My name is Gretan and I’m an HR specialist working in a busy downtown office with many engineers and geologists who I know are the primary carriers of the very contagious Crayola-Geotitis and HP48gx-Enguenza viruses. I was thinking of working from home, but then I’d miss the look...
Archeologists unearth the world’s oldest drilling rig to date in southern Turkey
CAIRO, Egypt - In 2019, Palestinian workers in the Mersin area of southern Turkey unearthed a structure no one there could readily define. The Pandemic of course put a...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
