OmniCore Energy’s BeamStream™ technology to revolutionize oil and gas upstream, midstream, retail, and emissions...
HOUSTON, TX — In an eagerly anticipated press conference this morning, Houston-based OmniTech Energy Services unveiled what it calls BeamSteam™, a technology straight out of Star Trek that promises to eradicate the need for drilling well bores, building pipelines, and even skips the gasoline retail sector. This revolutionary technology promises to beam oil directly from subsurface reservoirs to refineries, where the finished product is then beamed straight into your vehicle's fuel tank - via an smartphone app.
“Why waste time...
Geologist Stirs Controversy with Revolutionary “Under-Superposition” Stratigraphy Theory
CALGARY, Alberta - In a stunning twist to the field of geology, Dr. Hamilton Flipova, the chief geoscientist at the lesser-known Rock Bottom Institute located in Edmonton, Alberta, has made waves with his groundbreaking theory that the oldest geologic formations actually lie above the younger ones in the stratigraphic chart. His thesis, which he refers to as “Reverse Stratigraphy,” has left his peers confused, skeptical, and mildly amused.
“It's simple," Dr. Flipova explained at a recent GeoConvention conference, during which...
Top 12 Oil and Gas Rumours Abound for 2025
CALGARY, Alberta - As 2025 nears, Western Canada’s oil and gas sector is buzzing with wild rumours. From “eco-friendly fracking” using tofu-based lubricants to Alberta towns converting Timbits into biodiesel, the industry’s gossip is in full swing. Some claim the government plans to tax carbon by "Twitter outrage," while others whisper about replacing oil sands trucks with electric horse-drawn carriages. Here is a list of our in-depth analysis of the top 12 rumours shaping the oil and gas narrative...
Next Millenia Energy looking to wow investors with long-range development plans
CALGARY, Alberta - Saskatoon-based Next Millenia Energy Inc. (TSX: NME) has recently acquired surface rights in 87 townships in the WCSB, planning a very unique oil and gas play. In anticipation of future oil and gas pool and trap development, NME is going to place downhole equipment on risers and scaffolding, on site. In 60 to 75 million years, NME hopes to produce from these sites which are then believed to be buried and filled with productive oil reservoir...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
Alberta’s Project Dawn Discovery aims to help identify and reduce methane leaks
CALGARY, Alberta - Project Dawn Discovery, the unofficial nickname for a new Alberta energy and sustainability initiative created in conjunction with its energy regulatory arm, the Alberta Oil and...
Engineer comes “out of the cooler,” shocks friends and wider oil and gas community
CALGARY, Alberta – In a revelation that has rocked Alberta’s oil patch more than a 17,874,232,981,842.6 nanolitre pipeline spill, longtime senior reservoir engineer Lou Zarr bravely confessed this week...
Saskatoon-based FizzBang H20 shakes up the energy industry
RED DEER, Alberta – In a shocking twist that has left the Canadian energy sector fizzing with excitement, Regina-based beverage titan FizzBang H2O announced today that it has acquired...
Open-pit oil and gas mining coming to Alberta by 2025 Q1
OTTAWA, Ontario – The Canadian oil and gas industry is notorious for its complex and costly techniques, requiring a PhD to understand and an even bigger wallet to execute....
Engineers outraged as Federal Government passes Bill C-420
OTTAWA, Ontario - In a move that has left the engineering community speechless (quite literally), the Canadian government has passed the controversial "Word Quota" bill, limiting engineers to a...
City of Calgary Implements Stringent Water Restrictions as Feeder Water Main Continues to Surprise Engineers
CALGARY, Alberta, August 26, 2024 — In a shocking but perhaps no longer surprising twist, City of Calgary officials, under direction from leader Jyoki Gonyet, have announced a new...
WCB enacts new tether line regulation for vehicles
NISKU, Alberta - Seventy-nine per cent of injuries on industrial work sites in Alberta are the result of a fall from heights over 8 inches. This is a statistic...
City of Calgary to twin Peace Bridge with half of $52M budget surplus
CALGARY, Alberta - The City of Calgary announced yesterday that it will spend roughly half of the $52M budget surplus on twinning the Peace Bridge that conveniently spans the...
Geophysicist develops 6th sense for discovering PNG deposits
ESTEVAN, Saskatchewan - Back in the early history of the PNG industry, oil was literally found by stumbling upon seeps of oil that made its way to the surface of the earth - drill there. Easy. More recently, seismic technology, along with the geophysical...
Panriver Petroleum to Employ up to 1200 Geologists
CALGARY, Alberta - As of November 1st, 2021 a new exploration program developed by Panriver Petroleum Ltd has been approved by the AER, and will employ up to 1200 geologists and geoscientists by July 2022.
Panriver Petroleum has mapped and initiated the trial phase of...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new set of specialty geology crayons for mapping, coloring, sketching, and doodling just about anything to...
Bedtime Stories for Young Geologists
CALGARY, Alberta - In these troubled times, many young geologists are experiencing restless nights, worrying about the world, their health and their jobs. Here are a few fables to put their minds at ease and allow the touch of Morpheus to once again grace...
Unemployed Petroleum Professionals Technical Conference coming to Calgary this summer!
CALGARY, Alberta - The Canadian Society of Unemployed Petroleum Professionals (CSUPP) is hosting its inaugural Technical Conference & Exhibition this summer. The society, whose membership has steadily grown by upwards of 1,247 per cent per year since early 2015, believes that this is an...
CNAWA reveals climate change truths
Silversmith, Ontario - The Canadian National Association of Wiccans and Astrologists has recently published their in-house newsletter revealing the truth behind climate change and global temperature rise. The study was completed by several 4th Moon of The Starcrust students within the CNAWA, and then...
BREAKING NEWS: Geophysicist Bre-X’d after 3 dry wells
CALGARY, Alberta - Breaking news this Monday morning here in Oil City. A tragic death over the weekend has now been reclassified from an accident to a potential hate-related homicide.
Tom Echoman, a geophysicist with Gravitywerks Resources, fell to his death Sunday evening at the...
Geology-inspired Phi-K Doughnuts coming to downtown Calgary this spring
CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary is the hotbed for doughnut shops ranging from the basics at Tim Hortons all the way up to the 2nd-tier units that you can grab at Contemporary Jelly Doughnuts and the new Hula Hoop offerings from the makers of Fill...
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Study: Global warming linked to Sun
CALGARY, Alberta - A recent study conducted by a group of scientists assembled and funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers has concluded that climate change...
Antoine interviews Andy Killinger about his overseas Coronavirus adventures
Calgary, Alberta - In this special news piece, we decided to interview our in-house counsellor about his experiences overseas dating back to March, 2020, where he feels he uncovered the true source of the Corona virus and learned about some possible cures. As always, Andy delivered.
Guilly: So Andy, you...
Climate Change Shocker! Canada Shrinking!
CALGARY, Alberta – The surface area of Canada has long been reported to be 9,984,670 square kilometers. However, the Canadian Geodetic Survey (CGS) is warning that new data from...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
