Recent News
A New Detail on Federal Environment Minister’s Green Energy Corridor Plan Revealed
OTTAWA, Ontario: Federal Environment Minister, Steven Guilbeault, has proclaimed he is not in favour of more oil and gas infrastructure across Canada, but rather a green energy corridor to supply the rest of Canada with Quebec, Ontario, and Manitoba’s hydropower. This Green Energy Corridor (GEP) is his dream, and while definitely a piece of a Trans-Canada Energy plan, it does miss the mark of inclusion - as in including all aspects of Canada's energy capability.
While researching information about this...
Calgary-area Landman Accidentally Solves Quantum Gravity Over Ribeye and Red Wine
Disassociated Press. Three-minute read, unless you are a geologist then you're looking at about 2 hours with help, and 3 hours without it.
Calgary, AB — In what physicists world-wide are calling "the most significant scientific breakthrough of the century," a mid-level landman from Alberta’s oil patch has single-handedly solved one of the longest-standing and most difficult problems in physics - to unify quantum mechanics and general relativity. Perhaps the most amazing part of this feat is that he did...
Canadian Hutterites Pledge to Save Canada’s Food Supply from Trump’s Tariffs
Request $200 Billion, Unlimited Diesel, and a Herd of Guard Moose
Ottawa, ON — As President Donald J. Trump prepares to slap a 25% tariff on everything coming out of Canada—including maple syrup, hockey sticks, and even those weird Ketchup chips—Canadian Hutterites have unveiled a bold plan to stick it to the Americans while feeding the nation:
A continent-spanning network of 1,500 hydroponic megadomes, each the size of a Costco parking lot, powered by pure Canadian stubbornness and just a little...
Ottawa leans on Alberta to bolster southern border in case of military invasion from...
OTTAWA—In a stunning response to recent rhetoric from U.S. President-elect Donald Trump, who hinted at “stronger measures that might involve the military” against Canada for its reluctance to become the 51st state of the union, the Canadian government has enlisted the help of Alberta's oil and gas industry to help prepare Canada for an attack from the US.
"We're Canadian, so we're not looking for trouble," said Alberta Premier Danielle Smith while sporting a custom maple-leaf lapel pin made from...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
Dragline Logistics Announces Nationwide 100% Electric Freight System
EDMONTON, Alberta - In a bold move that could either revolutionize transportation or set us all back to the 1800s (minus the charm), an Edmonton-based startup has unveiled its...
Canada Post to team up with oil and gas industry to get back into the black
OTTAWA, Ontario - In a last ditch attempt to transform its financial woes into black (gold), Canada Post has unveiled a plan to ship bitumen through its regular postal...
Justin Trudeau Threatens 75% Tariff on U.S. Imports Unless Americans Stop Exporting “Cultural Trash” to Canada
Ottawa, Canada – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau held an emergency press conference today to announce an unprecedented ultimatum to the United States: either improve the quality of the...
5 things everybody should know about engineers, Part II
Back in February, 2014, 2P News published an article called 5 things everybody should know about engineers, which appeared to really strike a chord with readers because it was...
Alberta Premier Smith finds loophole in pending U.S. tariffs on oil exports
Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 - In what many are calling a historic "innovation" in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge...
2P News Stock Surges on Laugh Production Boom, Hiring Frenzy Expected
Laughs-per-share up 145%, chortles and knee-slappers at all-time high
Sombrero-tipping value over debt adjusted laugh flow up 71% year-over-year
Top brass look to capitalize on unexpected comedy resurgence...
70s Geologist, Debbil Maysong, wants his pencils back
CALGARY, Alberta - Gates, Jobs, Page, Brin, and Zuckerberg. These people are a quick list of huge success at the hands of computer tech in recent years, as technology...
New age bike designers latest model confuses industry
NEW YORK, New York - A recent bike design from the mind of Paul Buttnitts at Buttnitts Bikes astonished the cycling industry last week at a New York product expo. ...
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A geologist and his maps
CALGARY, Alberta - In the fading light of what was an amazing final oil boom, geologists in Alberta, specifically Calgary, are suffering. Long gone are the days when their intricate Crayola skills are admired and honored. Today, most of these scientific artworks are collecting...
Getting Stoned
CALGARY, Alberta – A blue ribbon committee of the World Organization of Petroleum Societies (WOOPS) has released its recommendation to the full membership to revamp the classification system for stones. A vote to accept or reject the report will be taken at the next...
Bedtime Stories for Young Geologists
CALGARY, Alberta - In these troubled times, many young geologists are experiencing restless nights, worrying about the world, their health and their jobs. Here are a few fables to put their minds at ease and allow the touch of Morpheus to once again grace...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a geology professional takes liberties with this interpretation that can end up being very costly. This article reports a case to that...
Fairness and Equality at the forefront of new drilling program
CALGARY, Alberta - Twenty Twenty One. Fairness and equality are at the forefront of every media release and public engagement. It has become so intertwined with daily life, it's almost instinct. And following that trend, Calgary-based oil producer Sameness Exploration has begun its 2021...
Canadian Space Agency sending geologists to Mars and the Moon to study space rocks
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Early on the morning of September 30th, 2018, the sky near Cape Couveral, BC, will light up as the United Alliance Geo IV Very Heavy spacecraft will thunder into space carrying a shortbus-sized transporter with 37 geologists from across Canada. ...
Crazy Old Fart Reveals Secrets of Seismic Processing
HOUSTON, Texas - Hazy O’Grady, a semi-retired geophysical consultant, claims that he is one of a handful of people who fully understands seismic processing. In an interview with your obedient servant, Mr. O’Grady, who’s so old he’s a founding member of the Society of...
Fat geologists perform better than thin geologists: Study
CALGARY, Alberta - In a landmark 20-year study, the Canadian Institute of Corpulence in Rotund, Manitoba revealed that well-upholstered geologists performed their tasks marginally better than underweight ones, after making statistical corrections for age, experience and IQ.
The lead consulting researcher for the study, the...
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Dear Annie, I’m surrounded by idiots at work, what can I do?
Dear Annie:
My name is Candi. I am an engineer working for a design and integrity firm in Calgary. I work with a large number of men and they always do the dumbest things and make the worst mistakes. If I call them on it, I will get harassed and...
Saskatoon-based FizzBang H20 shakes up the energy industry
RED DEER, Alberta – In a shocking twist that has left the Canadian energy sector fizzing with excitement, Regina-based beverage titan FizzBang H2O announced today that it has acquired...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
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Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
