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Calgary City Council Announces New Public Transit Programs for Q1 2026

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CALGARY, Alberta - Calgary city council has announced a number of new public transit programs to be implemented early in 2026. These programs aim to improve transit user experience and reduce costs, with a goal to increase ridership within the city's network of light-rail transit trains. “There were dozens of ideas put forward at our internal strategy round table.  Of those we have selected the 10 best proposals we felt could be implemented without years of construction or consultations. The...

Engineers Ditch Corporate Life, Launch Calgary’s First Mobile Oil & Gas Consulting Food Truck

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CALGARY, AB — Proving once again that the oilpatch remains the beating heart of questionable innovation, two Calgary engineers have quit their corporate jobs to launch Frack n' Snack Engineering Solutions™, the city’s first mobile oil & gas consulting company operated entirely out of a repurposed 1998 GMC food truck that promises "fast, fresh, on-the-go technical expertise, while you wait." The founders, Cindy “Sidetrack” McKinnon, a drilling & completions engineer, and Felipe “P10” Morales, a reservoir engineer, say they’re “disrupting...

EXCLUSIVE: ATA President Announces Plan to Hire Unemployed Oilfield Workers to Help Teachers Navigate...

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By Cynthia Redbush | 2P News – Education, Petroleum, and Paper Cuts Division EDMONTON, AB - Following their government-forced return to classrooms, Alberta teachers are adapting to new realities with an unprecedented plan: enlisting unemployed engineers and geologists from the oil patch to “help manage educational turbulence” in the classroom. 2P News’ senior education correspondent Cynthia Redbush sat down with ATA President Jayson Billing, who explained the union’s strategy while nervously constructing a stress pyramid out of chalk, coffee stir sticks, and...

Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do If They’re Legislated Back to Work

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EDMONTON, Alberta - As contract talks between the Alberta Teachers’ Association and the province hit the “we’ll-legislate-you-back” stage of negotiations, educators across the province are already preparing their battle plans. If Premier Danielle Smith's provincial government forces them back into classrooms, teachers say they’ll comply, but only in the most educationally passive-aggressive ways possible. Here are the Top Ten Things Alberta Teachers Plan to Do Once They’re Legislated Back to Work. 10. The Return of the TV/VCR Cart You thought they were gone....

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The Quantum Mechanics of Excel Clipboard’s 4.20 Picosecond Lifespan

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GENEVA, Switzerland - In a groundbreaking study published this week in the Journal of Computational Nonsense, researchers at the Federal University of Klingnau's department of Spreadsheet Physics have finally...

Calgary-Area Geologists Launch Class-Action Lawsuit over Bryan Adam’s “Rock Show”

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Over 1,700 Calgary-area geologists join the Class Action suit The group cites advertising the event as a "rock show" was grossly misleading Lawyers seeking punitive compensation for wasted...

Dear Andy: I’m a 27 year old petroleum geologist looking to switch careers. What should I do?

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Dear Andy, "I’m a 27-year-old petroleum geologist and I want out. The oilfield has drained me dry—literally. Every well I’ve touched in the last 3 years has been dustier than...

Online Retail Giant Expands Into Canadian Oil & Gas, Offers Free Drilling With $29 Purchase

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Calgary, Alberta — In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and oil patch veterans choking on their soy-based flat whites, Chinese e-commerce giant TEMU has announced...

PoleStar Training Ltd. Launches Oilfield Safety Ticket Training School, Industry Enrollments Explode

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Fort McMurray, AB – In what industry insiders are calling “the most innovative safety training initiative since flame-retardant coveralls,” a group of exotic dancers has founded PoleStar Training Ltd.,...

Groundbreaking Study Reveals why 97.3% of Conversations with Engineers Result in this Outcome

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CALGARY, Alberta – Scientists at the International Institute for Unnecessarily Complicated Research (IIUCR) have cracked one of humanity’s longest-standing mysteries: why almost everyone yawns within minutes of talking to...

Alberta Closes All Borders – Effective Immediately

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EDMONTON, Alberta - Alberta Premier Kason Jenney announced today that the Province of Alberta is closing its borders with the United States and other Canadian provinces, effective immediately. When...

Wandering river man strikes gold with mobile toilets

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FORT ST. JOHN, British Columbia - Mike Canmoraine is raking in the cash after starting up a new style of 'portal-potty' business in remote areas of western Canada.  Regulations...

AI decodes what oil and gas professionals really mean when they talk: Part 1

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EDMONTON, Alberta - AI chatbots, such as ChatGPT, are great fun, but they also have very practical uses. For example, it can create bespoke resumes, craft some pretty good jokes about geologists, explain complex topics, solve some pretty difficult math problems, and even provide...

Geologist Confuses Border Officers

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BISMARCK, North Dakota - A geologist flying home from a geological field course was recently interrogated about the contents of his baggage.  While he declined to appear on the popular television show Border Security, he has released a transcript of the interaction to 2P...

Scientists Admit that the Earth is Flat After All

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LONDON, England - In perhaps the most astonishing mea culpa in recorded history, representatives of all the major scientific organizations issued a joint statement admitting that the Earth is flat and not the oblate spheroid that has been taught world-wide for centuries. Dr. Phib...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

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CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual positions and seismic signatures using little more than an application for his smartphone, his girlfriend, and some software at work. So I...

Norse Gods form Midgard Geophysical Services

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THULE, Greenland - The Norse god Thor announced today that he and a group of other Asgardians have incorporated a new geophysical services company, Midgard Geophysical Services, Inc. (MGS). Its principle activity will be performing terrestrial seismic surveys in difficult terrain and extreme climates. Marine...

Panriver Petroleum to Employ up to 1200 Geologists

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CALGARY, Alberta - As of November 1st, 2021 a new exploration program developed by Panriver Petroleum Ltd has been approved by the AER, and will employ up to 1200 geologists and geoscientists by July 2022. Panriver Petroleum has mapped and initiated the trial phase of...

Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff

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CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night. Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within an inch of his life after a Measurement While Drilling technician assaulted him with a...

Subsurface PNG professionals launch Rez-Rescue emergency response

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CALGARY, Alberta - It has been said that necessity is the mother of all invention. Here is a case in point from an entrepreneurial point of view in the oil patch. A group of out-of-work oil and gas subsurface professionals recently launched a consulting company...

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Andy Killinger
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Antoine McGuillicuddy
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Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid

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HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...

Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury

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RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history.  Deep Thrust...

Study: Global warming linked to Sun

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CALGARY, Alberta - A recent study conducted by a group of scientists assembled and funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers has concluded that climate change...

Area entrepreneur opens combo geological services/food truck

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CALGARY, Alberta - Food trucks and food kiosks are commonplace along Calgary's busy Stephen Avenue Mall, along with a variety of restaurants, pubs, and lounges where you can get everything...

Andy’s Mail Bag

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Dear Andy, I’m a truck driver in Williston, North Dakota.  Things ain’t going so good in the oil fields around here and I’m thinking it might be time to move on.  Trouble is, I’ve got this girlfriend and she might be pregnant.  What I want to do is just leave...

Hollimorton Continues Acquisition Binge Despite Downturn

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HOUSTON, Texas - Close on the heels of its pending US$34.6 billion acquisition of oil field services rival Fakit Huge Inc., Hollimorton Company today announced that it has made...

Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil

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CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at PetroGlobal Scientific Inc. have created and patented a process...

GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making

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CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been able to find rather strong correlations between various sexual...

Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot

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CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a...

No pipelines, no trains, just Ass

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HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak.  Got it.  Trains derail.  Got it.  So what is the answer to the oil transportation woes of our continent? ...

Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons

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CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and...

HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys

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CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered in downtown Calgary recently developed and conducted an internal...

Former oil company executive relegated to greeter

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CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for oilsand producers in Northern Alberta, and Bendovus Energy is...

Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map

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HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of...

Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review

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The Bottom Line This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts. Director-Screenwriter Francis Birch Cast Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Reese Witherspoon Two white-collar...

Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story

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Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in Weyburn, Saskatchewan on a stormy night in the fall...

Back in the Day

Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.

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Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...

Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density

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CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose. So get this, she had...

Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee

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CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again. Well, I typically don't go...

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