Recent News
Dragline Logistics Announces Nationwide 100% Electric Freight System
EDMONTON, Alberta - In a bold move that could either revolutionize transportation or set us all back to the 1800s (minus the charm), an Edmonton-based startup has unveiled its magnum opus: the dragline freight system. Think of a nationwide network using a system similar to and adaptable to current railways that is 100% electric, uses cables and not batteries or electrified rails.
The first thought that comes to mind for may are above ground power cabling like an urban light-rail...
Canada Post to team up with oil and gas industry to get back into...
OTTAWA, Ontario - In a last ditch attempt to transform its financial woes into black (gold), Canada Post has unveiled a plan to ship bitumen through its regular postal service. Yes, you read that correctly - soon, your grandma's birthday card might be rubbing elbows with solid petroleum cubes en route to bitumen processing facilities across the nation. The national postal service claims that this initiative will not only boost the crown corporation's bottom-line profitability, but also eliminate the...
Justin Trudeau Threatens 75% Tariff on U.S. Imports Unless Americans Stop Exporting “Cultural Trash”...
Ottawa, Canada – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau held an emergency press conference today to announce an unprecedented ultimatum to the United States: either improve the quality of the goods and people being sent north of the border or face a whopping 75% tariff on all exports to Canada.
“We’ve had it, eh,” Trudeau began, uncharacteristically wearing a plaid shirt and sipping a Tim Hortons coffee for dramatic effect. “For years, we’ve tolerated low-quality imports from the U.S., from weak...
5 things everybody should know about engineers, Part II
Back in February, 2014, 2P News published an article called 5 things everybody should know about engineers, which appeared to really strike a chord with readers because it was a resounding success with over 11 visitors reading it. It is over ten years later, and we are now presenting to you part II, which will take us from points six through ten. Please enjoy and share this piece. Thank you.
Six
In every romantic relationship, engineers always bring a spreadsheet. No,...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
Alberta Premier Smith finds loophole in pending U.S. tariffs on oil exports
Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 - In what many are calling a historic "innovation" in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge...
2P News Stock Surges on Laugh Production Boom, Hiring Frenzy Expected
Laughs-per-share up 145%, chortles and knee-slappers at all-time high
Sombrero-tipping value over debt adjusted laugh flow up 71% year-over-year
Top brass look to capitalize on unexpected comedy resurgence...
OmniCore Energy’s BeamStream™ technology to revolutionize oil and gas upstream, midstream, retail, and emissions sectors
HOUSTON, TX — In an eagerly anticipated press conference this morning, Houston-based OmniTech Energy Services unveiled what it calls BeamSteam™, a technology straight out of Star Trek that promises...
Geologist Stirs Controversy with Revolutionary “Under-Superposition” Stratigraphy Theory
CALGARY, Alberta - In a stunning twist to the field of geology, Dr. Hamilton Flipova, the chief geoscientist at the lesser-known Rock Bottom Institute located in Edmonton, Alberta, has...
Top 12 Oil and Gas Rumours Abound for 2025
CALGARY, Alberta - As 2025 nears, Western Canada’s oil and gas sector is buzzing with wild rumours. From “eco-friendly fracking” using tofu-based lubricants to Alberta towns converting Timbits into...
Next Millenia Energy looking to wow investors with long-range development plans
CALGARY, Alberta - Saskatoon-based Next Millenia Energy Inc. (TSX: NME) has recently acquired surface rights in 87 townships in the WCSB, planning a very unique oil and gas play....
You Might Be A Landman If…
BREA, California – We’ve already discussed on these pages the criteria for identifying a geologist and engineer. The lone landman in my group of oil and gas retirees down...
Duck-billed Platypus Trained to Locate Pipeline Leaks
OVIPAROUS, Manitoba - Dr. Phineas Flynn of the Semi-Aquatic Egg-Laying Mammal Institute of Manitoba announced today that he has successfully trained a duck-billed platypus (Ornithorhynchus anatinus) to detect underground...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a geology professional takes liberties with this interpretation that can end up being very costly. This article reports a case to that...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool Resources, inadvertently stumbled across a potential new type of resource play while fooling around with geology as his geoscience team was away on a field trip. Johan had been...
420 MMbbl oil pool discovered in Compton, CA
LOS ANGELES, California - In a stroke of chemically induced ingenuity, senior geophysicist Smokey Reefer with Oakland-based Vapobong Resources believes he has discovered an oil pool containing hundreds of millions of barrels of oil just beneath Compton, California.
Reports indicate that after a long night...
Porosity exchange theory gaining traction with geologists
CALGARY, Alberta - A group of scientifical geologists with the Canadian Geofantasy Network are postulating a theory that is starting to gain traction within wider geology and scientific communities around the world.
The radical new theory, appropriately coined as the Porosity Exchange Theory (or PET), hypothesizes...
EndGame Energy eyes a magmatic geothermal play
HOUSTON, Texas - A collaboration between several oil and gas giants in Houston has given rise to EndGame Energy. The fresh company has a very novel and interesting take on the world of geothermal energy, with plans to create a deep earth magmatic pumping...
Bedtime Stories for Young Geologists
CALGARY, Alberta - In these troubled times, many young geologists are experiencing restless nights, worrying about the world, their health and their jobs. Here are a few fables to put their minds at ease and allow the touch of Morpheus to once again grace...
Saskatoon-based FizzBang H20 shakes up the energy industry
RED DEER, Alberta – In a shocking twist that has left the Canadian energy sector fizzing with excitement, Regina-based beverage titan FizzBang H2O announced today that it has acquired a majority share in DeepThrust Energy's flagship carbon capture and storage (CCS) project in Saskatchewan....
CEO fired after mandating that geologists use Sequence Calligraphy technique
CALGARY, Alberta - Guggerant Exploration formally announced the termination of Chief Executive Officer Rianni Farnto today at its investor web conference. The news of the dismissal is conjoined with the company's devastating production numbers for 2013, which all took place during the term that...
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the patterns required in CandyCrush and Tetris to oil and gas plays, has designed a new...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Dear Andy: How About Some Advice for ######?
Caution: Some readers might find this article disturbing and offensive. We have taken steps to redact the questionable content so as to not upset anybody.
CALGARY, Alberta – Turnabout is fair play. Cynthia Redbush and Yu Mii have been on our cases to bring more gender balance to 2P News. ...
Rare Weather Phenomenon Observed in Calgary: Frozen Fog
CALGARY, Alberta – An ultra-rare weather phenomenon happened last Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) in downtown Calgary when a rogue Arctic air mass descended suddenly one foggy morning and...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
