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Canadian Hutterites Pledge to Save Canada’s Food Supply from Trump’s Tariffs
Request $200 Billion, Unlimited Diesel, and a Herd of Guard Moose
Ottawa, ON — As President Donald J. Trump prepares to slap a 25% tariff on everything coming out of Canada—including maple syrup, hockey sticks, and even those weird Ketchup chips—Canadian Hutterites have unveiled a bold plan to stick it to the Americans while feeding the nation:
A continent-spanning network of 1,500 hydroponic megadomes, each the size of a Costco parking lot, powered by pure Canadian stubbornness and just a little...
Ottawa leans on Alberta to bolster southern border in case of military invasion from...
OTTAWA—In a stunning response to recent rhetoric from U.S. President-elect Donald Trump, who hinted at “stronger measures that might involve the military” against Canada for its reluctance to become the 51st state of the union, the Canadian government has enlisted the help of Alberta's oil and gas industry to help prepare Canada for an attack from the US.
"We're Canadian, so we're not looking for trouble," said Alberta Premier Danielle Smith while sporting a custom maple-leaf lapel pin made from...
Dragline Logistics Announces Nationwide 100% Electric Freight System
EDMONTON, Alberta - In a bold move that could either revolutionize transportation or set us all back to the 1800s (minus the charm), an Edmonton-based startup has unveiled its magnum opus: the dragline freight system. Think of a nationwide network using a system similar to and adaptable to current railways that is 100% electric, uses cables and not batteries or electrified rails.
The first thought that comes to mind for may are above ground power cabling like an urban light-rail...
Justin Trudeau Threatens 75% Tariff on U.S. Imports Unless Americans Stop Exporting “Cultural Trash”...
Ottawa, Canada – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau held an emergency press conference today to announce an unprecedented ultimatum to the United States: either improve the quality of the goods and people being sent north of the border or face a whopping 75% tariff on all exports to Canada.
“We’ve had it, eh,” Trudeau began, uncharacteristically wearing a plaid shirt and sipping a Tim Hortons coffee for dramatic effect. “For years, we’ve tolerated low-quality imports from the U.S., from weak...
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5 things everybody should know about engineers, Part II
Back in February, 2014, 2P News published an article called 5 things everybody should know about engineers, which appeared to really strike a chord with readers because it was...
Alberta Premier Smith finds loophole in pending U.S. tariffs on oil exports
Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 - In what many are calling a historic "innovation" in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge...
2P News Stock Surges on Laugh Production Boom, Hiring Frenzy Expected
Laughs-per-share up 145%, chortles and knee-slappers at all-time high
Sombrero-tipping value over debt adjusted laugh flow up 71% year-over-year
Top brass look to capitalize on unexpected comedy resurgence...
OmniCore Energy’s BeamStream™ technology to revolutionize oil and gas upstream, midstream, retail, and emissions sectors
HOUSTON, TX — In an eagerly anticipated press conference this morning, Houston-based OmniTech Energy Services unveiled what it calls BeamSteam™, a technology straight out of Star Trek that promises...
Geologist Stirs Controversy with Revolutionary “Under-Superposition” Stratigraphy Theory
CALGARY, Alberta - In a stunning twist to the field of geology, Dr. Hamilton Flipova, the chief geoscientist at the lesser-known Rock Bottom Institute located in Edmonton, Alberta, has...
Top 12 Oil and Gas Rumours Abound for 2025
CALGARY, Alberta - As 2025 nears, Western Canada’s oil and gas sector is buzzing with wild rumours. From “eco-friendly fracking” using tofu-based lubricants to Alberta towns converting Timbits into...
Yellowstone Supervolcano Erupts; Mankind Doomed
The supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming that had been dormant for 640,000 years erupted yesterday, spewing hundreds of millions of tons of ash into the atmosphere and...
Quebec’s new Premier Couillard to be investigated by APEGA
CALGARY, Alberta - Quebec's new premier, Philippe Couillard, may be in for a harsh ride after his acceptance speech given on Tuesday. Referencing tectonics in his speech, he was quoted...
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The Association of Canadian Exploration Geoscientists scales down 2019 Technical Conference
CALGARY, Alberta - The Association of Canadian Exploration Geoscientists (ACEG) has formally announced that it will scale down its spring 2019 Technical Convention and Expo scheduled for March 5th, 2018 in order to streamline costs. This year's event will be held in the more...
Area geologist undertakes huge mapping project
ROCKY MOUNTAIN HOUSE, Alberta - Airplane hangars. They are not typically associated with oil and gas other than they are sometimes strategically placed near remote oilfields and work camps for shuttling employees and contractors. But an exploration company building 4 of its own within...
Norse Gods form Midgard Geophysical Services
THULE, Greenland - The Norse god Thor announced today that he and a group of other Asgardians have incorporated a new geophysical services company, Midgard Geophysical Services, Inc. (MGS). Its principle activity will be performing terrestrial seismic surveys in difficult terrain and extreme climates. Marine...
Geophysicist develops 6th sense for discovering PNG deposits
ESTEVAN, Saskatchewan - Back in the early history of the PNG industry, oil was literally found by stumbling upon seeps of oil that made its way to the surface of the earth - drill there. Easy. More recently, seismic technology, along with the geophysical...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a geology professional takes liberties with this interpretation that can end up being very costly. This article reports a case to that...
Geologist who tested positive for COVID tries to fight fire with fire
GRAND PRAIRIE, Alberta - A Grovedale-area man who recently tested positive for COVID-19 decided to fight his COVID using COVID. The 61-year-old retired geologist, who is thoroughly exhausted with this protracted pandemic that led to his early retirement, figured how better to kill the...
Bedtime Stories for Young Geologists
CALGARY, Alberta - In these troubled times, many young geologists are experiencing restless nights, worrying about the world, their health and their jobs. Here are a few fables to put their minds at ease and allow the touch of Morpheus to once again grace...
New-age energy startup struggles with well identity
The Disassociated Press | 3 minute read
CALGARY, Alberta - A Nelson, BC oil and gas exploration company that drilled its first 5-well pad 3 months ago, is having a hard time getting them to produce at economical rates. In fact, the company has reported...
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Study: Global warming linked to Sun
CALGARY, Alberta - A recent study conducted by a group of scientists assembled and funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers has concluded that climate change...
Andy’s Horoscope for the Oil and Gas Industry
CALGARY, Alberta – As a public service, 2P News presents today’s horoscope from our own alchemist and astrological guru, Andy Killinger. - Editor
Aries the Ram
The Chevy and Ford guys will give you a lot of grief today. You should have bought the hemi.
Taurus the Bull
Beware of middle/upper management and...
Scientists discover that solar power drains the Sun
CALGARY, Alberta - Renewable energy has become as big a catch phrase as "Wheres the Beef" these days. Everyone from Greenpeace to The Sierra Club has been promoting the...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
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Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
