Recent News
Canada Post to team up with oil and gas industry to get back into...
OTTAWA, Ontario - In a last ditch attempt to transform its financial woes into black (gold), Canada Post has unveiled a plan to ship bitumen through its regular postal service. Yes, you read that correctly - soon, your grandma's birthday card might be rubbing elbows with solid petroleum cubes en route to bitumen processing facilities across the nation. The national postal service claims that this initiative will not only boost the crown corporation's bottom-line profitability, but also eliminate the...
Justin Trudeau Threatens 75% Tariff on U.S. Imports Unless Americans Stop Exporting “Cultural Trash”...
Ottawa, Canada – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau held an emergency press conference today to announce an unprecedented ultimatum to the United States: either improve the quality of the goods and people being sent north of the border or face a whopping 75% tariff on all exports to Canada.
“We’ve had it, eh,” Trudeau began, uncharacteristically wearing a plaid shirt and sipping a Tim Hortons coffee for dramatic effect. “For years, we’ve tolerated low-quality imports from the U.S., from weak...
5 things everybody should know about engineers, Part II
Back in February, 2014, 2P News published an article called 5 things everybody should know about engineers, which appeared to really strike a chord with readers because it was a resounding success with over 11 visitors reading it. It is over ten years later, and we are now presenting to you part II, which will take us from points six through ten. Please enjoy and share this piece. Thank you.
Six
In every romantic relationship, engineers always bring a spreadsheet. No,...
Alberta Premier Smith finds loophole in pending U.S. tariffs on oil exports
Edmonton, AB – November 8, 2024 - In what many are calling a historic "innovation" in international trade, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has discovered a creative workaround to dodge the impending tariffs that will be imposed by newly elected U.S. President Donald Trump in Q1 2025. Rather than sending Alberta oil through pipelines or rail—both subject to tariffs—Smith has announced an ambitious plan to float crude oil down the continent’s waterways, naturally drifting them south to U.S. refineries.
Smith, standing...
Movie Reviews
Recent News
2P News Stock Surges on Laugh Production Boom, Hiring Frenzy Expected
Laughs-per-share up 145%, chortles and knee-slappers at all-time high
Sombrero-tipping value over debt adjusted laugh flow up 71% year-over-year
Top brass look to capitalize on unexpected comedy resurgence...
OmniCore Energy’s BeamStream™ technology to revolutionize oil and gas upstream, midstream, retail, and emissions sectors
HOUSTON, TX — In an eagerly anticipated press conference this morning, Houston-based OmniTech Energy Services unveiled what it calls BeamSteam™, a technology straight out of Star Trek that promises...
Geologist Stirs Controversy with Revolutionary “Under-Superposition” Stratigraphy Theory
CALGARY, Alberta - In a stunning twist to the field of geology, Dr. Hamilton Flipova, the chief geoscientist at the lesser-known Rock Bottom Institute located in Edmonton, Alberta, has...
Top 12 Oil and Gas Rumours Abound for 2025
CALGARY, Alberta - As 2025 nears, Western Canada’s oil and gas sector is buzzing with wild rumours. From “eco-friendly fracking” using tofu-based lubricants to Alberta towns converting Timbits into...
Next Millenia Energy looking to wow investors with long-range development plans
CALGARY, Alberta - Saskatoon-based Next Millenia Energy Inc. (TSX: NME) has recently acquired surface rights in 87 townships in the WCSB, planning a very unique oil and gas play....
Alberta’s Project Dawn Discovery aims to help identify and reduce methane leaks
CALGARY, Alberta - Project Dawn Discovery, the unofficial nickname for a new Alberta energy and sustainability initiative created in conjunction with its energy regulatory arm, the Alberta Oil and...
Engdie Resources sees stock soar after banning office engineers from the field
GRAND PRAIRIE, Alberta – Engdie Resources (EDR.TO) saw its stock surge by nearly 27% in early morning trading on the TSX after the Calgary-based company announced that it will...
Dear Andy: How can my team still have fun this Stampede with no expense budget?
Andy Killinger, 2P Staff CounselorDear Andy:
"My name is Marvin McGlavin. I'm a 2nd-tier team lead at an intermediate oil and gas company in downtown Calgary. At a town hall...
The world’s largest crayon maker is being sued by geologists, here’s why
CALGARY, Alberta - The head of the Canadian Association of Petroleum Geologists has filed a complaint in the consumer court against one of the world's largest crayon manufacturers over a washable product that he claims, "destroyed countless hours of geological work."
The stationery that allegedly...
University of Eastern Ontario Modernizes Geology and Earth Science Program
TORONTO, Ontario - This morning the University of Eastern Ontario (Eastern) announced the complete and total overhaul of its Earth Science and Geological curriculum, as well as the removal of all Economic Geology courses and programs.
The new curriculum will focus on the scientific explanation...
Subsurface PNG professionals launch Rez-Rescue emergency response
CALGARY, Alberta - It has been said that necessity is the mother of all invention. Here is a case in point from an entrepreneurial point of view in the oil patch.
A group of out-of-work oil and gas subsurface professionals recently launched a consulting company...
Geophrenologist Claims Ability to Locate Oil and Gas
LOONEYTUNE, California - The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines phrenology as the study of the conformation of the skull based on the belief that it is indicative of mental faculties and character. That is, the bumps and ridges that can be felt on a person’s skull...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is open to interpretation. But every now and again, a geology professional takes liberties with this interpretation that can end up being very costly. This article reports a case to that...
Crazy Old Fart Reveals Secrets of Seismic Processing
HOUSTON, Texas - Hazy O’Grady, a semi-retired geophysical consultant, claims that he is one of a handful of people who fully understands seismic processing. In an interview with your obedient servant, Mr. O’Grady, who’s so old he’s a founding member of the Society of...
Alberta Energy Regulator shuts down operations of company that drilled 1,342,849 metre long wildcat well
While the AER says there is very little risk to public safety, the stop production order was issued in an effort to protect the interests of other operators spanning the Western Canadian Sedimentary Basin.
The Disassociated Press
CALGARY, Alberta - Alberta's energy sector watchdog has put...
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2P News Staff
Most Commented
Houston area man drills well in backyard, charges laid
HOUSTON, Texas - A Sugar Land, TX man and his neighbour are in police custody after the duo drilled an unauthorized gas well in the backyard of one of...
Geologist assaulted for teasing MWD staff
CALGARY, Alberta - A senior wellsite geologist has been hospitalized after a violent incident on a drilling rig in northern Alberta last night.
Ricky Rockerson was violently beaten to within...
Crustal drilling project results in Volcano near Didsbury
RED DEER, Alberta - Central Alberta was thrust into chaos this morning when a deep test well may have instigated the first active volcano in Alberta's history. Deep Thrust...
Study: Global warming linked to Sun
CALGARY, Alberta - A recent study conducted by a group of scientists assembled and funded by a consortium of major oil and gas producers has concluded that climate change...
Andy Killinger Kidnapped! Police Clueless!
CALGARY, Alberta – Andy Killinger, 2P News Staff Counselor, has been kidnapped by a group of what may be international terrorists. The kidnapping occurred on the steps of the Beau Tower in downtown Calgary in broad daylight. Witnesses report that Killinger was enticed into a van with promises of...
Alberta NDP introduces new tax incentives
EDMONTON, Alberta - A stunning discovery this week by Balgol News weather anchor Justin Schnitzell has pushed the new NDP government to publicize its latest travesty.
The NDP has devised...
Scientists invent a process to convert formation water into light oil
CALGARY, Alberta - In a remarkable scientific breakthrough, 2 scientists from the research labs at...
GeoPhone App used to record the seismology of love-making
CALGARY, Alberta - Junior geophysicist and sexual deviant, Dustin "boom boom" Weaver, has remarkably been...
Geologist finds a strong best fit through an amorphous cloud on poro-perm plot
CALGARY, Alberta - There is no question that geology is a subjective science that is...
No pipelines, no trains, just Ass
HARDISTY, Alberta - Pipelines leak. Got it. Trains derail. Got it. So what is the...
Legendary geologist, Rocky Mindsporge, invents new crayons
CALGARY, Alberta - Superstar geology legend Rocky Mindsporge, renowned for his ability to correlate the...
HR department develops online survey to assess effectiveness of online surveys
CALGARY, Alberta - The Human Resources department of an intermediate oil and gas producer headquartered...
Former oil company executive relegated to greeter
CALGARY, Alberta -The ever growing price differential for bitumen continues to squeeze the netbacks for...
Reservoir engineer creates ‘Neg Pay’ map
HOUSTON, Texas (June 2012) - Johan Fabroni, an enigmatic junior reservoir engineer at Houston-based Drypool...
Aliens vs. Geophysicists – Vibratory Revenge: Movie Review
The Bottom Line
This geophyical, sci-fi revenge fantasy thriller fails to deliver on all fronts.
Director-Screenwriter
Francis Birch
Cast
Brad...
Anne Hydrite and Ray Tracing – A love story
Anne Hydrite first laid eyes on Ray Tracing at an oil and gas convention in...
Back in the Day
Engineers. Love ’em or hate ’em, you likely gotta deal with ’em.
Engineers. If you live in Calgary, there is a good chance you are an engineer, you are married to an engineer, you work with an engineer, you know an engineer, you’ve spotted an engineer, you’ve heard of an engineer, or you’ve thought about murdering an engineer in cold blood...
Engineer rearranges contents of dishwasher to optimize dirty dish density
CALGARY, Alberta - After seeing his visiting mother-in-law load the dishwasher following a rather large Sunday afternoon family dinner, Anton McKnight, a Petrophysical Engineer with a Calgary-based consulting firm, took it upon himself to rearrange the contents of the dishwasher right beneath his MIL's nose.
So get this, she had...
Production tech goes for coffee on the way back from going for coffee
CALGARY, Alberta - On his way back from a 45 minute morning coffee run with 3 of his production engineering colleagues at Subterra Resources (using his favourite coffee cups), Peter Chekovski bumped into his regular coffee pals, who encouraged him to go for coffee again.
Well, I typically don't go...
